


Enjoying The Chronicles Of An Adult's Youth

by scapegoat



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe, Best Friends, Bigotry & Prejudice, Brooding, Enemies to Friends, Feelings Realization, Frenemies, Gai & Kakashi: Eternal Rivals, Gai being Gai, Getting to Know Each Other, Icha Icha Series, Internal Conflict, It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You, Mental Health Issues, Mistaken for Being in a Relationship, Obliviousness, Platonic Relationships, Polyamory, Relationship Negotiation, Sarutobi Asuma Is A Gift, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Self-Acceptance, The Powers Of Youth!, Uchiha Obito Is A Troll, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-03-23 05:27:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3756127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scapegoat/pseuds/scapegoat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gai and Kakashi are “eternal” rivals and despite what Kakashi may say out loud he also considers Gai his best friend.</p><p>Dealing with his helicopter father, insane co-workers and perpetually brooding godson make Kakashi wonder just <em>how</em> his relationship with Gai is the most stable thing in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The most (in)sane part of (in)sanity - part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not nor will I ever own or make money from writing anything about Naruto.

Hatake Kakashi crouched forward with his hands on his knees panting heavily casting a sidelong glance at the black-haired man beside him while simultaneously getting some much needed air into his lungs. The white-haired man had absolutely _no_ idea why he was racing his ‘eternal rival’ of the last fourteen and a half years (give or take) to the man’s dojo. Oh right! He had an inkling... _because said ‘rival’ was insane!_ A friendly race was fine, once in a while, but to do it from downtown wearing weights? There was absolutely nothing friendly nor fine about that!

They were doing this same song and dance for almost half their lives and even though it never got any older – they did. Kakashi stood up straight stretching. He had to be careful not to stretch too much and pull something ...again. His rival, Maito Gai, was stretching as well. They were running for at least a half hour but since he was used to such bizarre behavior Kakashi wasn’t as tired as he _should_ be though his legs were going to be sore as hell tomorrow; maybe even later today. In his blurred peripheral vision he saw several people stop and stare or take pictures/videos. It wasn’t uncommon for them to initiate their crazy ‘ _youthful_  ’ challenges in towns or high human traffic areas. Fortunately, Kakashi had been able to persuade Gai to have a race somewhere _far_ away from where they lived so he wouldn’t have to be reminded of his age and the fact that it wasn’t exactly normal for a couple of thirty-year-old men to run through towns like maniacs. And as a bonus it was winter so their faces were concealed, somewhat, by scarfs and hoods.

But hell, Gai was not normal in any sense of the word and strangely enough it was Kakashi liked most about him. Though that was something he’d take to the grave. No one needed to know how much he liked Gai – people merely thought Kakashi put up with him because Gai was unnervingly persistent but that was only half the truth. Shit, that part wasn’t true at all! Yes, Gai’s persistence knew no bounds but it was – never mind there was no need to think about that now.

Overall ...Gai was an overzealous, _loud_ , hardworking, attention deficit, brutally direct health nut that possibly suffered from obsessive compulsive disorder and could be exceptionally pushy particularly when it pertained to being healthy or active or whatever. That was basically the gist of it anyway. Still, given all of Gai’s oddities these damn competitions were the worst possible thing he did! And he did them almost all the time! Not only were they physically straining but they happened sporadically to boot! Yes, it was almost all the time but it was always at the most inopportune times for Kakashi. Gai was hellbent on enjoying his youth – or whatever was left of it because at thirty he didn’t have that much youth left in the tank but Gai insisted that he was in the prime of his _adult_ youth... whatever the hell that was. Though Gai just turned thirty about a month ago while Kakashi was thirty for a few months already.

The black-haired man kept himself busy, when he wasn’t tormenting the students of his dojo with insane workouts, by challenging Kakashi to whatever ridiculous idea fell into his head. Kakashi honestly lost track of how many times they competed against one another; Gai, however, possessed one hell of an impressive memory in addition to some of his other redeeming qualities. In fact, Kakashi was often convinced Gai was some sort of cyborg or part elephant since he never forgot anything. No, that wasn’t exactly true. Gai forgot lots of stuff – all the time – just nothing that had to do with these competitions. It made Kakashi wonder if Gai was generally absent-minded or just oblivious to everything that didn’t involve training?

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Just as Kakashi was about to say something his childhood friend Asuma opened the dojo door frowning. “Damn, how did you two make it back before I did?”

“The power of youth my friend!” Gai declared giving the bearded man his signature thumbs up but he looked too tired to unleash its full effect. Maybe if they weren’t doing one-armed push ups before they started racing Gai wouldn’t look as worn out as he did. But Kakashi couldn’t afford to waste brain cells thinking about Gai’s unusual reasoning. Doing that kind of warm up before a race? No. Pretty soon his brain would start leaking out of his ears if he wasn’t careful.

“Well, I stalled your students as much as I could.” Gai nodded then stood up straight. Kakashi winced as his back let out a particularly loud crack.

“Thank you Asuma.” The black-haired man nodded. Gai turned to Kakashi. “Excellent race as always dear rival.” Kakashi had a snarky comment on the tip of his tongue but he was too damn tired so he merely nodded. “I shall go prepare for my class.”

“Don’t strain yourself!” Asuma said with a frown as Gai walked in the dojo. “Seriously though...” He turned to Kakashi, “I left a half hour before you guys did and I just got here. His students were getting antsy so I brought them to the dojo.”

“I-I don’t even know anymore.” With Asuma chuckling, they entered the dojo and plopped on the tatami mats watching Gai tire his students out. Kakashi had nowhere near as much stamina as Gai (hell, _no one_ did) but Gai had to be feeling _something_ akin to fatigue right now. He was either blessed with an inhumane amount of stamina or was putting on one serious front.

Asuma elbowed him, “you’re worried about him aren’t you? That’s sweet.” Kakashi rolled his eyes. “You are a thoroughbred ultra masochist in every sense of the word my friend. Putting up with Gai _while_ caring about his well-being?”

Kakashi shrugged shaking his legs trying to get the feeling back in them. It probably wasn’t the wisest idea to sit after a workout that intense. Contrary to popular believe Kakashi did not peg himself as a masochist – he did not enjoy biweekly trips to the local clinics making sure everything was in order nor did he like frequently submerging his body in a pool of ice water to loosen his stuff muscles ...which was probably what he had to do when he got home.

So the question remained: why did he put himself through this shit, _repeatedly_? He sure as hell did not have to deal with the craziness Gai seemed to unwittingly attract; though it was obvious any lesser creature would not be able to handle Gai _once_ let alone countless times for over a decade. If Gai didn’t have someone to challenge on a whim he would probably go around seeking people to quell his insatiable addiction to whatever the hell this was called. Kakashi figured the only plausible reason he could come up with for involving himself with Gai (aside from sating Gai’s insatiable competition addiction) was his life would be a hell of a lot more boring without him. That was something else he would never openly admit to anyone. Even if they weren’t competing, as rare as it was, just hanging out with Gai turned out to be fun; but most of the time hanging out with Gai somehow turned into a competition of some sort.

“Alright Kakashi, as much fun as it was, I gotta book. Kurenai is taking me to see some kind of theatre thing.” The black-haired man sighed then stood up. “I leave Gai to you.” He said giving Kakashi a two-fingered salute.

“As always.” Kakashi said taking the weights off his legs stuffing them into his pockets. “You know, if you spent a little more time with Gai, Asuma, you’d discover he isn’t so bad.”

“Oh no, I’m not falling for that again.” Asuma rubbed the back of his neck. “Last time you said I should spend time with Gai I ended up in the hospital with fifteen stitches.”

“True... but you wouldn’t have met that cute nurse without Gai, right?” Asuma sighed nodding in defeat. “ _And_ , you wouldn’t have any plans for later.”

“Alright, alright. You made your point, damn. You’re just so eager to dump him off on someone else.” Kakashi shrugged innocently. “I’ll hang out with Gai the next time you idiots want to run yourselves ragged. Just keep in mind that I won’t even attempt to join in your competitions because I can barely keep up with _watching_ you two make asses out of yourselves.” Asuma sighed, “hell just talking about it is exhausting. I swear you have to be the perfect workout partner for Gai hands down, masochist or not. I mean, just think of how much of a wreck you were when you two first met. He definitely succeeded in bringing you out of that shell.”

Kakashi’s eyebrows furrowed. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

“Don’t get mad Kakashi, I’m just saying everyone treated you like glass; a sheltered prince of sorts... yet Gai, lacking tact, saw the inner youthfulness in you or whatever the hell he said and sought you out to be his rival for eternity.”

“No one treated me like a glass prince!” Asuma rose an eyebrow, “alright fine. I was fucking isolated after my mom died. You know the only reason Gai made me his rival was I accidentally beat him in gym class.”

“Of course I know, I was there.” Asuma laughed. “We actually talked about that. He said if you were that good with luck you’re probably amazing with actual skill.” Facepalming, Kakashi shook his head. “Man, that entire conversation was hilarious by the way. Oh! And I guess I spent more time with Gai than you think.” He said with a wink. “But I’m always up for hearing about your insane competitions.” Asuma couldn’t help but laugh again as Kakashi sighed. “I should probably get going, feel free to bitch at me when I get home.”

“I'll be expecting that call Sarutobi-kun.”

“And you will get it Hatake-chan~” Kakashi sighed heavily as Asuma left. He had a poor choice in friends if he said so himself unbiased. What the hell was he thinking hanging out with those two for most of his life? He must have been out of his mind, there was no other reason for it. He met Asuma in kindergarten and they sort of just stuck for the next twenty four years; their fathers were friends but even if that wasn’t the case the two of them just bonded over the years. The relationship he had with Gai was a bit more ... _complicated_ than that. They met during their second year of high school towards the end of the school year; they weren’t in the same class so they barely registered one another’s existence. Kakashi being popular and treated like a prince – as foretold by Asuma – while Gai was that goofy, weird kid parents told their children not to make contact with. It was that fateful day, as Gai would put it, in gym class that made Kakashi start paying attention to Gai and not necessarily in a good way. All the second years shared a gym class and the students were randomly selected to race against one another and the winners of each race would face of against winners of other races and so on and so forth. Blah, blah, blah... long story short – the final round of the entire race thing pitted Kakashi against Gai.

The students seemed convinced despite his oddities and overall loser status Gai had the race in the proverbial bag being the more physical of the two. No one said it to his face but they were still loud enough to be heard and Kakashi didn’t like that this guy was picked to be the favorite... against him; he couldn’t bear the shock of losing to such a weird looking person. As they raced they were pretty evenly matched much to the surprise and disdain of their peers. The race seemed to go on forever with neither boy showing signs of fatigue but as they were nearing toward the end Kakashi uncharacteristically tripped over himself and rolled forward, almost violently, to the finish line beating Gai. Needless to say, the gym was eerily quiet when the dust settled.

Gai helped Kakashi up giving him a thumbs up saying things like he was impressive and it was a good race among other things Kakashi couldn’t really remember. Gai had the tendency to ramble uncontrollably and Kakashi was grateful he developed the ability to ignore him early on. But the one thing Kakashi did remember Gai saying clearly was him being openly declared as his rival in front of everyone.

Kakashi was beyond mortified and Asuma was laughing so hard he was borderline hysterical on the verge of tears. Getting over the initial shock, Kakashi thought nothing of Gai’s declaration until a few days later when they squared off again in another random competition. The result was the same but there wasn’t any accidents or trips. Apparently that made something inside of Gai stir because he proclaimed that the next time they squared off he would beat Kakashi.

Kakashi’s original intention was to shrug off Gai’s bold claim like he did the last time but that scary, determined look in Gai’s eyes said otherwise. True to Gai’s claim the next time they met in a gym class battle he did win. Seeing as how it was a close match Kakashi was downright outraged and almost immediately challenged Gai to another competition which they tied. Looking back, Kakashi realized he was partially responsible for this never ending cycle of competing with Gai. If anything he was _completely_ responsible; had he not challenged Gai after he lost that time this entire thing wouldn’t have gotten so damn out of hand. In fact, he shouldn’t have agreed to competing with Gai in the first place! Okay, he didn’t have a choice the first two times because it was random with the classes and whatnot but all he had to do was say no when Gai challenged him officially for the first time. Then again, Gai was disgustingly persistent so he really didn’t have a choice.

Since Kakashi initiating a challenge sort of made it seem as though this wasn’t just a one-sided rivalry whenever the classes joined for gym Kakashi _knew_ Gai would be there to challenge him to something; sometimes he won and other times he lost but no matter the outcome it was always a close match. Prior to the whole ‘you are my new rival forever’ bit from Gai no one dared challenge Kakashi to anything because they thought he was untouchable. The loss of his mother made him pretty hollow but after Gai showed up letting them know, letting them see, Kakashi was human and even capable of losing and getting angry the white-haired teen became even more popular. Surprisingly, Gai became popular too – well not exactly _popular_ but well known. During the transition into their third year the high school yearbook had them listed as eternal rivals, best friends, most inseparable and far more unflattering combinations. Kakashi probably would never admit it out loud but he actually considered Gai, craziness and all, his best friend – well one as the other would be Asuma. Strangely enough competing with Gai even for fifty two minutes a day made high school seem more bearable. After the gym competitions they started hanging out during lunch and as the years went on they hung out outside of school. Then after that they did become as inseparable as the yearbook stated.

“Excuse me?” Kakashi broke out of the musings about his younger days and turned around seeing a brunet standing in front of him. The man’s eyes widened and he forced a smile. “H-Hatake-senpai, I didn’t expect to see you here.” Unlike Gai, Kakashi was good with faces – he possessed something of a photographic memory or whatever but Kakashi also suffered from selective memory loss and that was exceptionally useful when pertaining to Gai sometimes. But there was no way he could forget this guy and judging by his current demeanor Kakashi wasn’t forgotten either.

“Tenzō-kun, so good to see you.” The brunet cringed and Kakashi couldn’t help but chuckle. It was nice to see his adorable little kōhai didn’t change too much in four years. “Its been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah...” The brunet frowned. “Senpai, I asked you for years not to call me Tenzō.”

“And I told you when you graduated high school that I wasn’t your senpai anymore so I guess we’re even.”

The brunet pouted but before he could comment a purple-haired woman came out of nowhere nuzzling him with her breasts in some kind of embrace. “Damn Tenzō, it is good to see you!” She released him then hugged him at shoulder level. “Kakashi, the visible part of your face is looking good.” She said with a wink, “where’s the lovable green beast?” Kakashi merely pointed. “Ooh! He’s in his karate-gi—”

“No, Anko, _stay_!” Huffing, the purple-haired woman pouted then folded her arms over her chest standing completely still. “Still as skittish as ever _Yamato_ -kun.” The brunet sighed. “What can I do for you?”

“Nothing, sen... Hatake-san. I’m here to see Gai-san.” Kakashi put a finger to his masked chin. During the summer of his final year of high school he, accidentally, volunteered to be a mentor to a junior high school student; it was the only way to get away from Gai without seeming as though he was trying to get away from Gai. Whatever the case it worked because he was competition free for nearly two months. The backlash of that was Gai was relentless for an entire week to make up for lost time.

With all the craziness he and Gai went through over the years it was hard to believe they only attended the same school for a little over a year. That was probably a good thing since most of their last year in high school had them in the same class and Kakashi couldn’t put up with that any longer than he had to. “How do you know Gai exactly?”

“I don’t. I work for a delivery company and I’m delivering something to him.” Yamato appeared to be pouting by the tone of his voice but his facial expression remained neutral. Kakashi nodded then stood and calmly grabbed Anko by the collar as she was attempting to sneak off in Gai’s direction.

“For fuck’s sake Kakashi put me down! I just want to _look_! Its not like he’s in the shower or anything!” Anko flailed. People said he was shameless but they clearly did not know Mitarashi Anko. She was perhaps the most shameless person he ever met – and one of his best friends was Gai for crying out loud! Anko was the type of woman to do things consequences be damned! She had more wardrobe malfunctions than Kakashi and his photographic memory cared to count. She would rather proudly flaunt her bare breasts then cover them with her hands or a towel but who was Kakashi to complain? He liked a nice, firm set of ample breasts as much as the next person. Incidentally, Anko was the only person he knew that frequented nude beaches. “How’s about this? If you let me get closer to Gai, I’ll get you an autographed copy of Icha Icha Paradise Revenge!” Anko was dropped in almost a heartbeat. She smirked licking her lips at Kakashi who was practically frozen on sight. “A friend of mine knows the editor and I might be able to hook you up but you gotta help me out first.”

“Sen... Hatake-san, you can’t seriously agree to this!”

“Quiet Tenzō!” Anko turned to him, “what do you say Kakashi? From one porn lover to another. An eye for an eye...” Kakashi was tempted, _very tempted_. The Icha Icha series was one of the things he could not live without – to get an autographed copy would make him a very, _very_ happy man. And it was something Gai could easily be sacrificed for – it wasn’t as though it was something terrible to have Anko just talk to him... (and he wasn’t responsible for anything that happened after said talking.)

Unfortunately he didn’t have time to mull anything over because Gai approached the group with a towel draped over his shoulders. Kakashi glanced at Anko who appeared to be salivating at the sight of a sweat-ladened, partially bare chested Gai. Had it been possible to get a nosebleed from perverted thoughts alone Anko would be a literal bloody mess. While most people lacked flattering things to say about Gai’s personality, wardrobe or just him in general his physique was constantly complimented and ogled.

“Gai~” Anko approached him gripping one of his muscular arms. “Good to feel you. How do you stay so ripped?”

“Its not that hard.”

Anko squeezed his arm again leering. “Not yet.” Kakashi facepalmed. That was quite possibly the most blatant innuendo ever uttered; even Tenzō was blushing. Gai must not have been as dense as everyone assumed because he laughed nervously forcibly detaching his arm from Anko’s death grip.

“You got set up for that one Gai.” Kakashi shrugged off the glare he was getting. “By the way, you have a guest~”

Nervously, the brunet bowed. “G-Greetings Gai-san. I’m Yamato.” He glared briefly at Kakashi whistling lowly. “I have a package for you, can you stamp it?”

“Of course!” Gai bellowed. “Its nice to meet you Yamato-san!” He took his stamp out of his pocket stamping the clipboard then getting the box from the brunet. “You seem to be quite friendly with Kakashi and Anko-chan.”

Yamato grimaced and mumbled something incoherently. Anko wrapped an arm around Yamato’s shoulders laughing. “Oh yeah we’re _real_ close, very tight knit and whatever. We went to junior high together.” She nodded to herself, “Kakashi mentored him briefly when we were third years.”

Kakashi eyed the stamp Gai was putting back into his pocket. “Why did you have that in your pocket?”

“So _that’s_ what I felt!” Anko exclaimed.

Kakashi turned back to Gai slowly trying very hard to ignore Anko’s outburst, “were you expecting something?”

“Yes. I’m out of bandages, wristbands and leg warmers so I ordered some.” Gai shook the box. “I got a pretty good deal online and it came really fast too. How could I pass something like that up?”

“Are you going to wrap yourself up now?”

“Hm?” Gai eyed the purple-haired woman, “no... I’m good with the bandages. Yamato-san, I thank you for a job well done.” The brunet blushed slightly bowing. “Well, I must get back to my students.”

Kakashi snapped his fingers in front of Anko causing her to stop staring at Gai’s ass as he walked off. “What was that for?!” The white-haired man shook his head.

As this was his first time seeing Gai, Yamato thought he seemed like a nice person which was rare since he hung around Kakashi and most of the people associated with the white-haired man were the complete opposite of nice; excluding himself but Yamato didn’t like to think of himself being associated with Kakashi most of the time. But being the object of Anko’s lust was not a good thing to be. The brunet spoke from personal experience on that one.

Yamato cleared his throat as Anko and Kakashi started arguing, just like they did in high school. “I think I’ll take my leave now.”

“Don’t be a stranger now Yamato-kun~” The brunet glared at Kakashi before hastily leaving. “Ah. He’s just as much fun as I remember.” He glanced at Anko propping her chin with her hands. “You’re not that mad I kept you from seeing Gai’s ass are you? You’ve seen it thousands of times. Plus, its not that impressive.”

“First of all, that ass is a masterpiece and should be put on display! Secondly, Gai’s ass had me thinking about asses which made me think of Kurenai.” Kakashi rose an eyebrow. Kurenai was one of the nicest people he ever met. “Don’t give me that look. Most of the time she’s pretty tolerable but yesterday...” Anko sighed. “Okay, she has this friend wants to put them on a date so I offered but she told me I couldn’t! Or rather she didn’t want me to! Can you believe that?” Kakashi nodded earning a growl from Anko. “I thought it might be because the friend wasn’t into girls but she said that wasn’t it! The most fucked up part you may be wondering? She wants _you_ to do it. Which is crazy considering you don’t date without an ulterior motive not to mention you’d fuck anything willing with a pulse.”

“Give me some credit, I wouldn’t fuck _anything_. There are times in which sex is the furthest thing on my mind, like in the case of right now.” Anko rolled her eyes. “Besides, if I recall you are the one that would fuck anything willing with a pulse.” Anko hissed at him. “ Furthermore, you are the one that constantly throws herself at someone clearly uninterested.”

“Are you referring to _Gai_? Who says Gai isn’t interested?”

“I never said anything about Gai but since we’re on the subject... I’d have to say his expressions, his body language, the fact that he told you, constantly, he only thinks of you as a friend? Need I go on?”

“Don’t give me that shit. Gai’s interested – he just doesn’t know it yet.”

“Yeah, okay. You’re a bit deluded there don’t you think?” Anko’s eyes narrowed. “Gai!” The black-haired man walked over to them. “I’d love to stay and spent the day watching you torture your students but my father’s coming and he insists I spend the evening with him.”

Gai tied the obi around his waist tighter turning to Kakashi. “Why didn’t you tell me Sakumo-san was in town? We could have trained together!”

“Whoa, settle down there. He’s not in town yet and I didn’t even know about it until this morning. I have to pick him up from the airport in a little bit. Stop by tomorrow if you want to train.” Gai nodded enthusiastically going back to his students. “Stay out of trouble Mitarashi.” Anko stuck her tongue out at him as he left.

And so Kakashi left the _Dynamic Entry_ dojo; it was a far better name than the _Dojo of the Beautiful Green Beast._ Kakashi shuddered. The sign didn’t see the light of day before it was brutally rejected by everyone Gai showed it to. He wandered down the streets with his hands shoved in his pockets. His father had grown disgustingly fond of Gai over the years. The two of them actually worked out together – his fifty something year old father was able to keep up with a thirty year old; well Gai had the stamina of guys half his age so it was more like a fifty-year-old keeping up with a fifteen-year-old. Either way no one could _really_ keep up with Gai (excluding Kakashi whose body was pretty much in tune with Gai’s level of insanity – though Kakashi could not, and would not, keep up with Gai _all the time_ ) but Kakashi’s father came pretty damn close but it was probably expected considering he and Kakashi shared DNA.

Pre-Gai/Post Wife Hatake Sakumo was a serious, candid and quite frankly cold man. The loss of his wife left him pretty fucking miserable, even more than Kakashi since he blamed himself for her declining health then the accident really threw him for a loop. He was in a bad place... reclusive, contemplating and actually attempting suicide, suffering from alcoholism; the whole nine yards. He was even put in a psych ward for three years. It was depressing to watch and that was why Kakashi was treated like glass for a good chunk of his life. He lost his mother and was dangerously close to losing his father. Who would have thought a tactless, jumpsuit happy sixteen-year-old could change Sakumo with manly tears and ramblings of youthful optimism?

“Kakashi!” A white eyebrow rose as a black-haired man ran up to him. He regained his composure then folded his arms over his chest. “Finished hanging out with your buddy? How sweet. I honestly don’t know how—”

“Is this going to take long Obito? I kind of have things to do.”

The black-haired man’s nostrils flared. “You really piss me off sometimes.” Obito took a piece of paper out of his pocket handing it to Kakashi. “Your dad’s coming to town right? Fugaku-nī says hello and whatever.”

“Reduced to playing errand boy Uchiha? I find that sweeter than me hanging out with Gai.” Obito grit his teeth. As he was visibly seething, Kakashi took the opportunity to read the paper Obito begrudgingly gave him. Fugaku, who was like Obito’s cousin or whatever (he didn’t really know or care enough to ever ask), asked Kakashi to mentor his son. Kakashi was hardly mentor material but what the hell, he had to do something that wasn’t Gai related. “Did you read this before stuffing it in your pocket?”

“No. I thought about reading it but I realized I didn’t give a shit so I put it in my pocket.” Obito shrugged, “Fugaku ask you for a favor?”

Kakashi read over the paper again then looked up at Obito. “He wants me to mentor his son.”

“You sure that’s not meant for your dad?”

“It says Kakashi.” He showed the paper to Obito. “And he’s got two sons so I’m not entirely sure which one he wants me to mentor and it doesn’t say son _s_ so its probably only one, right?” Obito shrugged. “I guess I’ll stop by the house and see what’s what. I’ll bring dad so everyone can ogle him as usual.”

“Good. I missed ogling your dad. And I’m sure, even if he didn’t specify, he wants you to mentor Sasuke... that damn kid’s got a couple of screws loose.”

“Wouldn’t that be a case of the pot calling the kettle black? You’re not exactly articulated perfectly either Uchiha. Then again your whole damn family is screwier than a standard toolbox.”

“You know, normally I’d bitch and call you out but you’re so damn accurate its not even funny.” Obito sighed shaking his head, “want some company?”

“Sure, I could use it.” Uchiha Obito would be considered Kakashi’s first rival or rival/friend... _however_ there really weren’t any sort of competitions going on between them. There was a huge difference in stamina, intellect and damn near everything else. They met in junior high and Obito was more than just a little jealous of Kakashi’s unwanted popularity so he attempted to show Kakashi up but Obito was (and still is) pretty damn clumsy so all his attempts never really worked but they did get Kakashi’s attention. Eventually, he got sick of his one-sided rivalry and settled for being a friend of sorts – he was struggling with his decision for a while but he knew he made the right choice after he met Gai and saw he was a far better rival; Gai was by no means smart (hell, he was probably dumber than Obito and _that_ was saying something!) but he had more stamina than Kakashi also he was way more persistent. The universe could not have handpicked a better person to constantly harass Kakashi than Gai.

Kakashi contemplated driving but it was such a nice day, and Gai influenced him far more than he would ever care to admit, so he opted to walk to the airport with Obito. “Are you sure we’re not walking because your license got revoked or something?” Obito glanced skeptically at him. “Wait, you _do_ have your driver’s license don’t you Kakashi?”

The white-haired man stopped walking frowning through his surgical mask. “Heh heh...” He chuckled. “Of course I do... or did. What year is it?” Obito facepalmed as they began walking again. “Oh come on. Who drives anymore? Everything is in walking or bus distance.” Obito shook his head. “What about you? Do you have a license?”

“Uh, yeah. But even if I didn’t I’m not the one putting on a front.” Kakashi made a noncommittal noise. “But I agree with the not driving thing. I don’t even have a damn car.”

“Whenever I want to go somewhere that needs to be driven to I just bum a ride with Asuma. Simple as that.”

“And he just lets you?”

“Provided that I pay for sustenance we’re good.” Obito rose an eyebrow, “you know gas and ‘snackage’ as you would put it?”

“Wait, Asuma can drive?!” Kakashi nodded. “Cool. Hey, speaking of Asuma where the hell is he? If you’re not with Gai then you’re usually with him.”

“As in I have no one else whom I would be with?” Obito nodded. “Well you’re right, as for your first question Asuma’s on a date with Kurenai.”

“They’re still in that experimental dating bullshit phase? I swear its nauseating how hot and heavy those two get when they think no one is paying attention to them.” Obito laughed then looked up, “oh shit we’re here.” Kakashi stopped walking and looked up at the sign that said Otogakure Airport. The two thirty-year-olds entered the building. The Oto airport was pretty freaking huge and it was the only international airport in the town of Konohagakure.

“Kakashi!” The white-haired man barely had time to brace himself as another white-haired man rammed into him embracing him. “You’re so big! Is that you Bito? Get in here!” Obito winced as he was forced into the tight embrace too. After what seemed like forever, they were released and had to gasp for air. “Where’s Gai-chan?”

Obito glanced at Kakashi who shrugged. “Nice seeing you too dad, really. Gai’s at the dojo with his students.” Sakumo seemed incredibly depressed by that news, he put his head down and frowned slightly. Kakashi looked around before looking back at his father. “Didn’t you bring any bags?”

The white-haired man’s head perked up. “I didn’t want to go through that whole checking my bag in thing and I was kind of running late so I just shipped everything in a box.”

“Uh, wouldn’t that be more trouble than just bringing a few things with you?”

Sakumo turned to Obito shaking his head. “Why would I just bring a few things Bito-chan? I’d like to have all of my things to sort through at home.” Obito and Kakashi merely stared at him. “Why are you— _oh_ , I forgot! I didn’t tell either of you that I’m going to be living here!”

“Here?” Obito echoed. “You’re moving in _with Kakashi_ ? He has eight dogs at his place! And some of them are _really_ big!”

“Don’t worry. I’m not moving in with him... them. I mean, wait a minute, eight dogs? _Really?_ ” The white-haired man shook his head readjusting his thoughts. “I am going to stay with him for a while but just until I find a place of my own.” Sakumo laughed. “You don’t mind, do you son?”

Kakashi’s right eye twitched. “Not at all.” He spoke to his father frequently but the last time he physically saw the man was three years ago but the last time his father actually stayed in his house was about six or seven years ago and he didn’t have the dogs then so this would definitely be interesting. If he and Gai were so damn close perhaps he wouldn’t mind staying with Gai but Kakashi couldn’t just dump his father off on someone else even if it was Gai. Though in that particular situation, as strange as it would sound, Kakashi would feel more sorry for Gai than his father. “We have to stop by the Uchiha manor, if you’re not too tired.”

“Me, tired? Don’t be ridiculous! I’m just brimming with youthful energy!” Kakashi sighed as Sakumo gave him a thumbs up in a Gai like fashion. “Well don’t just dawdle boys, lets go.” Exchanging questionable glances, they followed Sakumo out of the airport but with far less enthusiasm.

After leaving the airport, Sakumo rented a car from next door to take them to the Uchiha Manor. The man wasn’t even in town three minutes and he was already spending money! Yet he had the _gall_ to complain about Kakashi’s spending habits?! As much as Sakumo would enjoy the walk the Uchiha Manor was not within walking distance of anything... except maybe other houses occupied by other members of the Uchiha family. They were the richest, biggest, most powerful clan in town so they owned a hell of a lot of land. They technically lived on the outskirts of Otogakure which stupidly bordered and merged into Konohagakure _and_ Kumogakure but no one had the time or energy to figure out how these towns were connected. Anyway, as the Uchiha clan enjoyed seclusion their land was filled with houses for their clan and their clan only. The biggest house was the ‘main house’ home to the patriarch of the entire family and that was the same house they were going to visit. Said house was big and fancy like one would expect – the front gate was like a twenty minute drive or hour long walk away from the damn entrance! With Obito being the clan’s black sheep and resident ‘rebel’ he didn’t live within the Uchiha land. That was one of the main reasons why Kakashi and Obito got along as well as they did (most of the time); Obito was as nonconformist as one could be. If Kakashi had to say, he’d consider Obito his third best friend... or maybe it was a three-way tie?

It was one hell of a drive; Sakumo barely obeyed the speed limit and after about three hours total they arrived at the front entrance of the Uchiha manor. Instead of seeing a servant or someone along those lines, Fugaku disinterestedly opened the door. Once he saw who was on the other side his expression went from disinterested to neutral. “Sakumo, good to see you old man.”

“Fugaku!” The black-haired man allowed himself to be embraced and returned the embrace with half the enthusiasm. A blue-haired woman popped up from behind Fugaku. “Mikoto!” Sakumo released Fugaku to hug his wife for a few seconds before releasing her and staring. “You look more beautiful every time I see you.”

“Oh Sakumo-san, you’re such a charmer.” She blushed. “And you’re probably the only man who can get away with flirting with me standing next to my husband.” She teased giggling though Fugaku didn’t seem as amused. “Please come in.” Obito, Sakumo and Kakashi walked in the house, toed off their shoes then looked around as they were led to the living room and gestured to sit down on plush couches.

“I see you redecorated.” Obito commented with a whistle as he tried to adjust himself in the seat.

“You’d know that if you still lived here.” He winced as Mikoto hit him over the head before she sat down on the arm of her husband’s chair. “I still can’t imagine why you wouldn’t want to live in one of these houses. They’re nicer than anything you could afford.” Obito pouted, “ _and_ you can fix them up however you’d like. Its a win-win but you want to be stubborn.” Kakashi glanced out the corner of his eye seeing a person briefly before they disappear. He rubbed his eyes and looked again seeing nothing. He might have the scar vertically running down his left eye but his eyesight wasn’t that bad, unless his eyes were playing tricks on him. “Would anyone care for something to drink or eat? We gave the entire staff the night off so we could make food from scratch!”

“Yeah, you’re living the dream Miko-nē.” Obito slunk further into his seat. “Where are Sasuke and Itachi?” Mikoto and Fugaku exchanged glances before the former readjusted herself on the chair’s arm. “You... you’re kidding, right? You mean to tell me you don’t know where your children are!? I mean I expect this from Fugaku-nī but—”

“What does it matter if we don’t know where they are? They’re practically adults anyhow... well one is already an adult but you understand.”

“Speaking of your children.” Kakashi began attempting to sit up in this incredibly comfy couch that he seemed to be sinking further into. “Which one did you want me to help with?”

Flabbergasted, Mikoto turned to her husband. “What is he talking about? You asked Kakashi-kun to help with our children!? Why?”

Fugaku sighed. “Well dear, you don’t want to hire just anyone off the street – regardless of their credentials – so why not ask a friend of sorts? Its almost like not helping at all and I don’t have to worry about paying him so I actually think its better.” Mikoto glared at him. “So, what do you say Kakashi?”

“Why ask _him_?” Obito asked, “I wouldn’t mind helping out my relatives! Oh and in case you hadn’t realized this Kakashi isn’t exactly role model material.”

“Neither are you.” Obito huffed, “however he is the lesser of two evils if you are the only other option. Furthermore, as Kakashi has far too much time on his hands it’ll give him something to do aside from play with Gai-kun all day.”

“W-Wait a minute! Is that what you think I do? Play with Gai? _All day_ ?” Everyone stared at him raising an eyebrow, even his father, and Kakashi couldn’t help but put his head down in defeat. It might have been what he did on a close to daily basis but he didn’t do it _all_ day. No one would be able to survive that.

“Hold on! You think _he_ is less evil than I am!?” Obito growled. “How is that even possible?”

Mikoto rose an eyebrow then leaned on her husband whispering something in his ear. “Oh alright! If you’re going to be a big baby about it you can help out too and I didn’t say he was less evil than you I said he was the lesser of two evils meaning though both of you are poor influential idiots at least I don’t have to worry about my kids getting any stupider around Kakashi.” Obito gaped at him.

Mikoto clapped her hands together, “how about those drinks now?” Without waiting for a reply she stood and walked into the kitchen briefly and returned with five glasses and a bottle of sake. “We also have imported drinks~” She produced a bottle of wine from behind her. The guys cheered as she poured wine in their glasses.

“Kanpai!” They cheered as they began drinking.

Mikoto glanced up as the door was opening and spit out her wine on her clothes and the chair. Her twenty-year-old first born son’s head and left arm were wrapped in bandages and his long hair was out of its usual ponytail falling down past his shoulders; beside him stood her second born, fourteen-year-old son in a similar state only his left arm was in a sling as well. “What the hell happened to you two!?” She screamed jumping to her feet inspecting them before they could get to the living room.

“This wouldn’t have happened if you knew where they were~” Obito sing-songs then shrank back as Mikoto glared at him. “I-I’m just saying!”

She continued inspecting them. “I’m fine mom, its only minor injuries.” Her first born glanced at his pouting brother, “he on the other hand isn’t so lucky. The idiot decided to get into a fight with an upperclassman.”

“So, why are you so banged up then?” Kakashi asked.

“I was getting to that.” He sighed, “I came to pick up Sasuke like dad asked when he started fighting the kid and I tried to stop him which, looking back, was not the smartest thing to do. We spent three hours in the hospital and for the record Sasuke got his ass kicked.” The fourteen-year-old grit his teeth.

“Itachi, not in front of your mother.” The twenty-year-old nods. “Here.” He gave his first born his glass. “You could use this.”

“You’re one hell of a father Fugaku.” Sakumo said lifting his glass nodding at him. “Of course I shared my drinks with Kakashi way before he was legal... but I was a former alcoholic.”

“Shit, I wish I had one of you guys as my dad, he _still_ doesn’t let me drink with him.” Obito huffed then took a sip of his wine.

“Oh...” Itachi put the now empty glass down, “you didn’t hear the best part. You two have a mandatory meeting at school tomorrow with the principal, vice principal and guardian of the boy Sasuke fought.” Mikoto and Fugaku exchanged glances sighed then filled their wine glasses before drinking and emptying them.

“Sasuke, go to your room.” Fugaku said putting his glass down. Turning on his heels, the fourteen-year-old complied stomping up the stairs. Fugaku massaged his temples. “I swear... I’m at my wits end with that boy. You asked which kid, didn’t you Kakashi? Well take a guess.”

Nodding, Kakashi finished his drink then trudged upstairs. Itachi watched the white-haired man disappear up the stairs before taking his seat. “He’s going to talk to Sasuke?” Fugaku nodded. “Why?”

“Its cheaper than a counselor.” Fugaku drank another glass of wine.

Meanwhile, Kakashi knocked on Sasuke’s door and when he wasn’t met with a reply he opened the door and walked inside. Once he approached the bed he leaned over. Sasuke glanced at him narrowing his eyes. “What?”

“Your father asked me to talk to you.” Sighing, Sasuke sat up glaring. “It would kind of help if you actually talked. Think of it as give and take.” Sasuke would have folded his arms over his chest but one of his arms was currently in a sling so he merely sat there frowning. “Now, who did you fight and why?”

“Did my dad really ask you to talk to me or are you just being nosy?” Kakashi shrugged with a smile; the surgical mask he usually wore was hanging on his chin. “Fine. Since its you I guess its okay.” Sasuke huffed. “I was heading to Jūgo’s classroom for lunch when I saw the stupid kid coming out of another class. We exchanged several words then we started fighting, simple as that.”

Kakashi nodded in understanding as he sat down beside Sasuke. “Itachi said you got your ass kicked.”

“Yeah, he would say that.” Sasuke rolled his eyes, “and its not like the other guy got out completely unscathed... and what determines whether you’ve ‘won’ a fight or not anyway?”

“The one with the less bruises usually ends up being the winner.”

“Oh what do you know!? You and Gai go at it like psychopaths yet you get equal amounts of bruises; incidentally he’s the one that usually kicks your ass.”

“Touche.” Kakashi chuckled pulling his mask over his nose and mouth. “I figured you were fighting your crush but it just sounds like some kid you hate...” Kakashi’s eyes widened as Sasuke looked down blushing slightly. “Sasuke, _no_! Aren’t you too old to bully the one you like?”

Sasuke’s face was full on red now. “Its not like I do it on purpose! A-And anyway, I-I thought you’d be more surprised that I like another guy but you’re more surprised about that!?”

“Well you and I are a lot alike, you know? I figured if I was good with either sex you would be too. But I never would have pegged you for an emotional masochist.”

“Huh? What does that even mean?”

“Well you’re a sadist under normal circumstances, you enjoy seeing other people miserable but seeing as how you cannot turn it off you make the kid you like hate you which, in turn, causes you pain making you an emotional masochist but a physical sadist. Understand?”

“Yeah.” Sasuke frowned, “I think all those blows to the head made you crazy... _crazier_. So, if we’re the same—” Sasuke eyed Kakashi, “does that mean you like Gai?”

“What!? Of course not! Why would you...” Kakashi facepalmed. “Oh no. The kid you like resembles _Gai_?! _Maito Gai!?_ Where did I go wrong?” He shook his head. “Lets get something straight kid, we may be alike but that is probably the one thing we don’t have in common. Gai is a friend, I’m not into him – at all. My type is preferably someone that doesn’t call me at four in the morning to see if we’re still going camping at eight; someone who isn’t going to make me run around a track field with leg weights, someone who isn’t going to challenge me to a ramen eating competition after I get out of the hospital with food poisoning!”

“Yeah, I’m calling bullshit Kakashi. You’re getting awfully defensive about this subject. I can understand why you feel this way, you’ve never given it much thought before but its okay.” He patted Kakashi on the shoulder. “We’ll figure it out together.”

“You’re getting awfully cheeky.” Sasuke grinned at him. “So getting off the subject of my apparent ‘crush’ on my self-proclaimed rival... the kid you like is energetic, obnoxious, loud...”

“Everything but the bowl cut and jumpsuit obsession.” Kakashi sighed in relief. The world did not need another Maito Gai running around, specifically a miniature one. “You shouldn’t be happy about this! You fucked me up royally!” Sasuke sighed, “I don’t suppose you could come to the meeting in place of my parents right?” Kakashi shook his head. “I guess it couldn’t hurt to ask. Oh shit! I just remembered something... Gai is a few months _younger_ than you, right?” Kakashi nodded slowly; he did not like the way this conversation was going. Why couldn’t Sasuke like someone like Asuma? He was around him just as much as Gai. A nice, laid-back, _sane_ , nicotine addicted, occasional smartass was exactly what Sasuke needed not a miniature Gai.

“So I take it this guy you like is older?” Sasuke nods. “You’re a second year so he must be a third year. Alright, I’m gonna level with you. During your suspension you and I are going to hang out and figure out how to deal with this, sound like a plan?” Sasuke eyed him suspiciously before nodding.

“Its cute the way you two bond.” Sasuke glared at his brother’s head in the doorway. Above Itachi’s head was Obito’s. “Your dad’s getting antsy however he insists he’s fine and can take you home whenever you’re ready. What do you want me to tell him?”

“Tell him to take it easy, he just got off an eighteen hour flight going through three different time zones, I’ll figure out a way home.” He glanced at Obito. “Obito can drive me back.”

“Actually...” Obito began, “Itachi will give you a lift.” Itachi’s eyebrows rose. “I’ll relay the information.” Nodding, Obito walked off.

Sakumo was too tired to argue so Kakashi was free to leave with Itachi and Obito tagged along since Itachi merely had a learner’s permit and could not drive without a licensed driver – which in this case would be Obito. “What do you plan on doing about Sasuke?” Itachi asked as they came to a stop sign. Like everything else the twenty-year-old tried he was good at it, even with minimal amounts of practice. Kakashi and Sasuke might have been similar but he also had several things in common with Itachi too.

“I don’t know yet. Its not something I can plan ahead, I need to play it by ear.” Kakashi watched Itachi narrow his eyes. Itachi, like any older brother, did enjoy teasing/harassing his little brother but he was still very – more like super – overprotective of Sasuke. It was no surprise he tried to stop Sasuke from fighting (especially if he was losing) but Kakashi’s curiosity spiked trying to figure out how Itachi got those injuries. Kakashi didn’t know the twenty-year-old’s state of mind after receiving a head injury but even if he was one hundred percent he wouldn’t dare tell Itachi about his little brother’s crush; they were driving after all.

It was morning when he left his house and by the time he returned it was the early evening. The drive back took three hours like the drive going. Kakashi thanked Itachi for the ride then entered his house and was greeted by his dogs attempting to climb his legs. If he had known he was going to be practically kicked out he would have drank more than just two damn glasses of wine. Shrugging, he attended to his dogs then retired for the evening. His father would be back in the morning (or afternoon) which meant Gai would be there too.

When Kakashi awoke it was to the sight of his dog, Pakkun, in front of his face just staring at him. The white-haired man slowly rose from his bed seeing his other seven dogs on or around his bed either asleep or just laying down. It was a surprise that he wasn’t awoken to the sound of his phone going off with a call or text from Gai – like yesterday. Come to think of it he didn’t hear from Gai since he left the dojo. What Sasuke said was starting to get to him. Did he like Gai? Obviously, he wouldn’t be around him so much if he didn’t but to like him in a romantic way? It couldn’t be. Kakashi had to admit he became super aware of Gai over the past fourteen years but to have some school grade crush on him? Was it even possible? He knew Gai for as many years as Sasuke was alive and there weren’t any other people he knew that long to even begin to talk about something like this. Well, the only person was Asuma but he couldn’t talk to him about it because that jerk would just laugh with a knowing smirk or something. His phone rang and he picked it up from the nightstand staring at the face that popped up. Frowning slightly, he answered it. “Moshi moshi.”

“ _Damn, someone sounds sorry to hear from me. Remember when I said I’d call when I got home?”_ Kakashi checked the time on his phone. It was nine in the morning and Asuma was with Kurenai since, like, noon! _“Well I’m home. Obito told me Sasuke got into a fight with an upperclassman.”_ Shit Obito had a big mouth. Oh wait, he knew Obito for a pretty long time so he was another option. _“Before you get all pervy with me, I fell asleep at Kurenai’s and, no, we did not have sex.”_

“I didn’t have sex last night either but I wasn’t going to tell you that.” Asuma laughed on the other line. “So... I have a something I want to ask you. Sasuke brought it up yesterday and I’ve been thinking about it all night. Do you think its at all possible that I have a crush on Gai?”

“ _Gai?_ Maito Gai?! _Oh no, please don’t tell me this involves Sasuke’s little incident yesterday? Did he pick a fight with the kid he likes or something and that kid is like a miniature Gai or something?”_ Well, no one could accuse Kakashi of being surrounded by idiots because he had soluble proof he spent a good amount of time around at least one smart person. _“I get it. You and Sasuke similar tastes and this is making you question...”_ Kakashi held the phone away from his ear as Asuma barked with laughter. _“Well shit! My answer is hell yes. I think you definitely are hot for him though Gai is the one that picks fights with you so it’ll be a little backwards, won’t it?”_ Kakashi knew this was a bad idea but there was virtually nothing about Kakashi that Asuma didn’t already know. _“Now you know I’m not really into gossip but when you get all the details you’d better tell me everything.”_

“Aye aye. Oh and in the state of backwardness, the kid’s older than Sasuke.” Asuma hummed again. “I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing before called. I told Sasuke I’d hang out with him during his suspension.”

“ _Yeah, that’s not a bad idea, I mean its not like you work or anything. So, I will call you later. Good luck with Sasuke, oh, and Gai too~”_ Before Kakashi could comment Asuma hung up.


	2. The most (in)sane part of (in)sanity - part 2

Mikoto and Fugaku entered the principal’s office with Sasuke. “Ah, welcome. Hanzō-san is unable to make it so its just me today. Please, have a seat.” The assistant principal said gesturing them to sit which they did against the wall away from the door. “I’m sure you were informed why you’re here.” They both nodded slowly. “Sasuke-kun is a good student but he’s been having trouble getting along with his peers.” The gray-haired man folded his arms over the desk.  
  
“Don’t I know it.” Fugaku grumbled. Mikoto merely sighed. “Where is the other kid?”  
  
“That’s just the thing. Well—”  
  
The door suddenly burst open, “am I late?”  
  
“Gai!?” Mikoto and Fugaku stood as the black-haired man walked into the room panting. “Please don’t tell me _you’re_ the other kid’s father?”  
  
“What? Oh no, I’m not Lee’s father... just merely a friend, an adult figure in his life.” Mikoto and Fugaku exchange glances. “He’s outside because he doesn’t want to come in and cause trouble.” Gai said sitting down by the door, “but I’ll bring him in if he’s supposed to be here.” He knocked on the wall twice and a black-haired boy entered the room slowly. Mikoto squealed sitting next to him as he sat down beside Gai.  
  
Mikoto and Fugaku turn to the assistant principal. “As I was saying. Lee-kun is an orphan, as he is emancipated living on his own Gai-san here was more than happy to come in and talk.”  
  
“But if he’s emancipated he doesn’t need any parents.”  
  
“Exactly. Gai-san volunteered to show up and Lee-kun was more than okay with it.”  
  
“So you’re putting an emancipated orphan in Gai’s care?” Mikoto shot him a glare, “ _what_? You were thinking it.”  
  
“Why not just adopt him?” Mikoto asks. “I mean, you’re good with kids. And you handle Kakashi-kun and he’s pretty much a giant child himself so why not?” Gai and Lee exchange glances. “He’s so cute~” Mikoto cooed poking his cheek as he blushed slightly.

The assistant principal cleared his throat. “Uchiha-san?” Mikoto looked at the principal blushing slightly. “I wasn’t sure you were going to make it, Gai-san, but lets begin.” The principal sighed. “I suggest we find some way for these boys to be in the same room without the need for supervision or having them want to fight one another.” He gestured to Sasuke who had his fists balled up on his legs. “I’m not expecting them to be best friends but if this goes on I will have no choice but to expel one of them and as Sasuke-kun is primarily the instigator it will most likely be him.”

“You can’t expel him, no other school would take him!” Groaning, Fugaku facepalmed. “Son of a—”

“Then we need to figure something out. As you three already know one another its not that difficult making opportunities for the boys to get together. In fact, you can start right now since they’re both suspended for the next two weeks. Oh and see to it that they get their work for the classes they’re going to miss.”

The intercom buzzed and the gray-haired man pressed it. “Mifune-san, your next appointment is here.”

“Thank you, send them in.” The man rubbed his temples taking his hand off the intercom. “Another troublesome student requires my attention. Damn Hanzō taking a sick day...”

Mikoto glanced at Fugaku before turning to the assistant principal. “The troublesome student.... its Uzumaki Naruto, isn’t it?” The former asked.

Mifune ceased massaging and widened his eyes. “You know him?”

“Oh yeah, Sasuke was quite fond of getting into trouble with him during elementary school. They used to stage fights to get out of classes. One time they fought it took about eighteen police officers to separate two seven-year-old boys; obviously they were both expelled immediately from that school.” Mifune blinked at Fugaku. “You see why I said no other school would take him.” He stood. “Thank you for not expelling him Mifune-san. Lets go.” Sighing, Sasuke followed his father out of the principal’s office.

“Uh, did I miss something?” Gai asked.

Mikoto patted him on the back. “Don’t worry Gai-kun, I’ll explain everything to you later. Thanks again Mifune-san.” Mikoto bowed then she, Lee and Gai left.

“Mikoto!” The blue-haired woman gasped as she was embraced from behind. She then saw Uzumaki Kushina grinning at her as her face came into view. “Hey doll! I heard about Sasuke-kun’s fight, sorry the little guy got his ass kicked.” Mikoto gasped as Kushina felt and lifted her breasts. “You’re not pregnant again are you? Your breasts are getting bigger.”

“Kushina!” Mikoto whined as she was being groped. “This is hardly the place for this! And no, I’m not pregnant again!”

“Hands off my wife Uzumaki.” Fugaku said pinching Kushina’s arm. She reluctantly released Mikoto with a pout. “Touch her again and I’ll cut your hands off.”

“You’re just jealous because I had her first.”

“Why would I be jealous? I have her now.”

Kushina’s left eye twitched as Fugaku smirked. Mikoto sighed shaking her head. Yes, she and Kushina dated for several years even after Mikoto met Fugaku. They were inexplicably happy together and the sex was phenomenal but they parted amicably because Kushina wanted to have children while Mikoto wasn’t ready. Ironically, it was the still not ready Mikoto who had a child first (technically she had two before Kushina had one). Even after breaking up they remained close friends and Kushina remained flirtatious and handsy.

“I sensed tension and I somehow knew you were fighting Fugaku-san.” A blond approached the group with a sigh; beside the blond was a child version of him with whisker-like marks on his face. The tiny blond perked up at the sight of Sasuke and walked over to him then they started talking. “Kushina, we gotta talk to Mifune-san about Naruto remember?”

“Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. I just couldn’t resist seeing my buddy.” Mikoto blushed. “Ooh, who is this~” She cooed staring at Lee. “He’s like a miniature Gai with longer hair. He’s so cute. This your kid? Wait, _he_ beat up Sasuke-kun?” Gai nodded. “Oh wow. Mi-chan you gotta tell me everything. I’ll call you, okay?” Blowing a kiss, Kushina walked into the office with Minato and Naruto.

Fugaku glanced at Mikoto. He didn’t exactly have an open marriage with Mikoto but he knew he was no Kushina and two people that crazy in love did not just part ways with no feelings being left behind. It wasn’t as though he allowed her to continue sleeping with Kushina but he didn’t exactly stop her either and even though there wasn’t any proof he just knew they were having sex. He might have been with Mikoto for over twenty years but they only got married three years ago so even if they stopped doing it now there was still a seventeen year gap in which they could have been doing it. In exchange for letting Mikoto screw around with her old girlfriend Fugaku figured he was granted the same liberty ...unfortunately he didn’t have anyone to fuck aside from his wife (and they did that constantly); he had ex-girlfriends but none of them were as beautiful or sexually skilled as Mikoto so it would really be a waste sleeping with them.

“Okay people, lets go. We gotta figure out what to do about these kids without driving ourselves crazy.” He glanced at Gai. “He may not be your kid but you pretty much volunteered to watch him during his suspension. Is your apartment suitable for another person?” Gai nodded enthusiastically. “Well that’s good. By the way... Sakumo is at the house and he won’t shut up about seeing you so this should be a nice surprise for him.”

“Oh! It all happened so suddenly that I didn’t tell anyone about Lee!” Fugaku couldn’t help the smirk that appeared on his lips. That damn Hatake duo always knew everything so it was a wonderful feeling knowing something before any of them did and their reaction would no doubt be hilarious! Mikoto glanced him with a frown so she clearly knew what he was up to. Fugaku knew Sakumo for over thirty years, before his precious baby boy was born, and not once did he ever have the upper hand until today. It was no secret he was unusually attached to Gai after he got that verbal ass kicking thirteen years ago so not knowing something about his beloved Gai would devastate him. Fugaku was there for that whole messy ordeal and it made him feel helpless that he couldn’t do anything to help so he was thankful for Gai’s interference.

“I say we go to Kakashi’s place. Its sort of the middle ground between the school and the manor.” Mikoto sighed as Fugaku started walking. It was a strange sight seeing her husband _this_ happy; the last time she saw it was when Sasuke was born. It wasn’t as though Fugaku changed but with Sasuke’s current behavior he had less to be happy about.

Close to forty minutes later, the group found themselves in front of Kakashi’s house. Sakumo called saying he was on his way there so it killed two birds with one stone. Sasuke, Mikoto and Fugaku all stared at Gai. “W-What?”

“Surely you have a key of some sort to Kakashi’s house?” Fugaku asked raising an eyebrow. With how close those two were it would be a shame if Kakashi didn’t give him a key; sure Kakashi didn’t like people around his shit when he wasn’t around but he knew Asuma had a key like how Kakashi had a key to Asuma’s place so Gai had to have one too. If Fugaku knew Gai, and he had eleven years of soluble proof that he did, the thirty-year-old probably had the key but never used it.

“I think I should have a key somewhere...” The black-haired male started rummaging through his pockets. He wasn’t clad in one of his jumpsuits but a black t-shirt and some green sweatpants. As Gai was still looking through his clothes the front door opened revealing Obito.

“Yo!” He said with a grin.

“If you’re here—”

Fugaku didn’t have time to finish his statement as a white blur bursts through the door tackling Lee to the ground. “Gai! Huh?!” Sakumo moved back and blinked looking down. “You shrank so much in just seven years but your hair got longer!”

“Uh, Sakumo-san?” Sakumo looked up narrowing his eyes at Gai waving to him. He did a double take looking at Gai then the boy underneath him.

“What the—!?” He jumped up taking the boy with him. “But if _you’re_ Gai then who is this!?” He stretched Lee’s bandaged cheeks.

Fugaku barely contained the snicker he felt. “This is Lee-kun, he’s Gai’s... friend I guess.” Sakumo’s jaw dropped. “He’s going to be staying with Gai a while. Also, he’s the one that fought Sasuke yesterday.”

“Say what?!” Obito exclaimed. The boy did have bandages on his cheeks and arms but the damage to him didn’t seem as bad as Sasuke’s; the fourteen-year-old’s arm was in a sling for crying out loud! Obito shook out of his stupor. “I guess if you guys already know him I’ll introduce myself. What’s up? I’m Uchiha Obito.” Obito bowed as did Lee. “The guy frozen over there is Hatake Sakumo. Oh! Come with me.” He walked over to Lee and grabbed his hand bringing him in the house. They took their shoes off along with everyone else who entered the house after them then they approached the couch where Kakashi was sprawled out. “And this is Hatake Kakashi, he’s Sakumo-san’s son.” Kakashi lazily looked up at Obito then at the small boy who bared one hell of a resemblance to Gai. It really wasn’t that much of a resemblance but they both had thick eyebrows and black hair but this kid’s hair was was long in a braided ponytail. “Kakashi, meet Lee he’s Gai’s friend..” Kakashi fell off the couch then scrambled to his feet. What was with that pause? Gai hadn’t mentioned this kid before. The boy Obito addressed as Lee bowed and Kakashi skeptically bowed back. Kakashi saw his father being assisted to the couch by Fugaku and Mikoto.

Gai plopped down on the couch beside Kakashi. “Yo.” He said with a salute.

Kakashi slowly turned to him sitting back on the couch. “Where did he come from?”

“The orphanage down the street from the dojo. Incidentally, Lee fought Sasuke-kun yesterday.” Kakashi took a glance at Sasuke who was seated at the bar spinning on the stool. So this was the kid Sasuke had a thing for but was too emotionally stunted to reciprocate said feeling for? Kakashi knew Sasuke said he _acted_ like Gai but he didn’t say he kind of looked like him! Kakashi turned back to Gai who was still talking and his hands were making weird albeit hilarious gestures; Kakashi then turned his attention to his other couch where Mikoto, Fugaku and his now lucid father were gushing over a blushing Lee.

Kakashi lived alone, excluding his eight dogs, so the only reason why he had two couches in his house was they were on sale – a two for one special _and_ someone was always crashing on his couch so why not have a spare? He turned back to Gai who was still in the midst of his monologue. “Gai.” He patted him on the shoulder stopping him. Had Kakashi known it would be that easy to stop one of Gai’s rants he would have tried it years ago! Obito was now leaning on the couch on Gai’s other side. “A _friend_?”

Gai nods. “He’s a student, an... emancipated minor.” Ah. After Gai’s dad died he became one of those too... no wonder he had a soft spot for the kid. “I just figured staying home alone for two weeks could get kind of boring.”  
  
“Don’t take this the wrong way but what the hell dude? I mean, I’ve been to your place.”  
  
Gai shrugs, “I don’t mind accommodating for Lee.”

“Its because of the eyebrows, isn’t it?” Obito asked pointing to his eyebrows for some kind of visual.

“No! He’s a free-spirited hard worker! Reminds me of myself, even after getting banged up he wanted to train in the dojo! But seeing as how it was closed we just talked.” Kakashi and Obito exchanged glances. “I’m not exactly sure if he should train until after his suspension has been lifted.”  
  
“You sound like a father Gai. Not training as a form of punishment? Damn, I need to come to you for punishment.” Obito blushed, “I wasn’t thinking of anything dirty!”

“Kakashi, I have a favor to ask.” Obito was both pissed and relieved to be ignored after saying something so embarrassing so he just leaned a little closer on the couch. Kakashi rose an eyebrow at Gai, the black-haired man was usually the one to get favors asked of not the other way around. “Mifune-san said we need to find a way for Lee and Sasuke-kun to get along.”

“Got it. Leave that to me.” Gai would have questioned him, not being satisfied with such a half-assed answer but Kakashi gave him a thumbs up and smiled through his mask.

Obito on the other hand wasn’t satisfied despite the Gai-like thumbs up and nice guy smile. When Gai did it there was a natural thing about it but Kakashi doing it felt a little creepy. Obito had to admit even he couldn’t pull it off. “What the hell does that even mean?” He asked suspiciously eyeing Kakashi who just lazily looked over at him. It could be said that Gai wasn’t the smartest man in the world (continuously challenging Kakashi to random shit on a semi daily basis was proof enough of that) and he definitely trusted Kakashi – which Obito also thought wasn’t too bright – but even he had to know their white-haired friend was seriously fucked up in the head and would use this opportunity to fuel his sadism.

“It is fine Obito, I will leave it in Kakashi’s hands.” Obito facepalmed. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m suspicious too but I’m sure whatever he’s doing it’ll benefit Sasuke-kun.” Obito gaped at him. Well shit that was unexpected but so damn Gai like. It was a little known fact that Sasuke was one of Kakashi’s weaknesses. He normally couldn’t resist a request from the devil child but that was probably because it would be like saying no to himself. If Gai thought this Lee kid was like him it would be like having two Kakashis and two Gais around. The world was not ready for that.

Kakashi stretched then wordlessly got off the couch approaching Sasuke. The fourteen-year-old was glaring at the glass in his hands. Kakashi had to be careful, the last time he left Sasuke at the counter alone some of his liquor was missing. “Careful, you might actually set it on fire this time.” Sasuke glared as Kakashi casually sat beside him. “Yo.”

“Yo.”

Kakashi chuckled. Sasuke was actually so pissed that there wasn’t an ounce of sarcasm able to trickle out of his mouth. That was an amazing feat so Kakashi had to dedicate this rarity to his photographic memory. “I bet you’re just _itching_ for some alone time with Lee-kun aren’t ya?” Sasuke’s eyes narrowed further. “Don’t worry. I’m working on it. Just remember that you are fourteen and you might be passed the consent age but not the age of majority.” Sasuke sighed heavily. “Hmm... I might actually get to talk to him if my dad and your parents weren’t hovering over him. You’d think this was the first time in ages they’ve seen an orphan.”

Apparently fed up with Kakashi’s rambling Sasuke fully turned to him. “Are you an idiot? This _is_ the first time in ages they’ve seen an orphan!” The fourteen-year-old facepalmed. “Fuck! If you’re going to help me try not to piss me off in the process.”

“No can do. Its a package deal.” Sasuke sighed again, “by the way... Naruto-kun texted me and said you two spoke briefly before his parents had to talk to the principal. Was he involved in this?”

“Uh, no.” Kakashi rose an eyebrow. “I don’t tell him everything!” There was a slight blush on Sasuke’s cheeks as he turned back to his previous position. Was he serious? Naruto was the Gai to Sasuke’s Kakashi. No, Naruto was more of an Obito... truthfully he was like a mixture of the two. He had the hyperactive loudness of Gai but that whole prankster, clumsy bit Obito seemed to perfect over the last thirty years (but Kakashi only knew Obito and his clumsiness eighteen years). Then again, Naruto did have some Asuma brand sarcasm more often than not too. So he was like a special blend of all Kakashi’s closest friends in a fourteen-year-old body which was fine since Sasuke was like a fourteen-year-old Kakashi (only far angstier). Naruto knew Sasuke since elementary school where they apparently enjoyed faking fights to get out of school. It was that single thought that made Kakashi appreciate the logic behind everything Naruto did.

They were became friends because of their parents... unusual situation and though they were inseparable when they were younger its not exactly the same as it is now. They’re still close friends, Kakashi knows that much, but Sasuke isn’t exactly an expert on human relations (because if he was he wouldn’t be in his current predicament) so he spends most of his time alone, brooding.

Kakashi turned around on his stool facing the couch. Sasuke’s parents seemed to stop badgering the poor boy (Lee) and went onto his friend (Gai). Meanwhile, Kakashi couldn’t find his father and the man had a tendency to wander and since he was wandering through his house no good could come of it. No matter, for now he would focus on seeing things from the older teen’s perspective. The white-haired man merrily slid off the stool and strolled over to the couch. “Do you mind if I sit?” Lee shook his head and Kakashi sat beside him. The white-haired man didn’t miss the look Sasuke was giving him. “So, Lee-kun, it must be interesting being Gai’s friend huh?”

“Yes, I do enjoy Gai-san’s company. Though I am not certain _interesting_ would be the best word choice to use.”

Kakashi nodded. “I can see why they gushed over you.” If Kakashi wasn’t careful he’d become ensnared in Lee’s natural albeit oblivious charm too then he really wouldn’t be able to help Sasuke which meant he had to listen of continuous bitching for the rest of his natural born life. “You know, you’re pretty polite for a kid.” Lee tilted his head in a confused, adorable manner. “So... I’ll cut to the chase. What is it about Sasuke that ...how do I put this? Makes you want to punch him repeatedly?”

Lee frowned. “He is not exactly a pleasant person to be around.” Kakashi had to nod in agreement there. “Also, he is very condescending and I do not care for the way he treats other people, particularly girls that confess to him. These girls gather all of their courage and he not only harshly rejects them but belittles them afterwards.” Shit, Sasuke was an ultra sadist! Kakashi wasn’t even that bad growing up! “I am sorry if it seems as though I am ranting.”

“You are but that’s okay.” He patted Lee on the shoulder. “I like you. It takes courage to say what you mean. Gai may seem weird but he’s got a great eye when it comes to people.”

Lee nodded. “He spoke of you a lot Kakashi-san, though most of the things were not exactly flattering.” Kakashi frowned slightly on the other side of his mask. Just what the hell did Gai say about him? “But nevertheless I think it is amazing all the same.” Kakashi furrowed his eyebrows, “oh I was not being specific. The rivalry you two have, it is amazing! Some day I wish to form a bond like that.”

“Trust me when I tell you, you won’t – or don’t.” An idea struck in Kakashi’s head. “Perhaps you and Sasuke could have that sort of bond?”

“I do not think so.” Yeah, Lee might have been effervescent but it would be one hell of a stretch if he just agreed to being buddy-buddy around Sasuke. “So, Kakashi-san, what is your relationship to... my kōhai?”

Was he so pissed that he didn’t even want to use Sasuke’s name? Shit, this would be difficult to fix. “Uh, well he’s a friend.” Lee stared at him furrowing his thick eyebrows. “Come on, you and Gai? Its not exactly weird having a friend half your age. He’s also my godson. Now I don’t want to sound biased but Sasuke really isn’t that bad once you get to know him.”

“I believe you but I do not want to take that chance.” Ouch. Sasuke royally fucked up with this one. “You merely wanted to ask how I felt about him?”

“No. Even if you don’t like Sasuke I see no reason why the two of us can’t be friends? If you’re Gai’s friend we’re going to see one another a lot so we might as well get along, right?” Lee nodded enthusiastically. “Good.”

“By the way Kakashi-san, all of the dogs I have seen around here belong to you?” The white-haired man paused for a moment before nodding. “They are very cute.” As if one cue Kakashi’s largest dog, Bull, jumped on the couch and onto Lee’s lap then proceeded to fall asleep.

“Well looks like I’m not the only one who likes you Lee-kun.” Lee patted the bulldog smiling. “If it gets to be too heavy let me know, okay?” Lee nodded then Gai came out of nowhere putting an arm around Kakashi.

“Did you take care of it?”

“Did you think I’d be able to do it so quickly?” Gai blinked at him. Well that answered his question. “I’m working on it Gai.” Gai removed his arm eyeing Kakashi suspiciously. “Would you relax? It won’t be very...” Kakashi sighed slumping his shoulders, “ _youthful_ of me to bail after I gave you my word.”

Kakashi swore he would go blind with how brightly Gai was beaming at him. “Oh Kakashi!” Gai cried embracing him tightly. Kakashi had to know this was coming, Gai was very... physical after all. He quickly released Kakashi from the embrace but still gripped his arms. “I need to go back to the dojo, can you watch Lee for me? Its not that I think he needs to be watched but I don’t want him to be alone.” Kakashi nodded. “Good. You are a great man rival! I will be back for him later.” He headed to the couch giving Lee a thumbs up, “I need to go back...” He inched closer whispering in Lee’s ear briefly before standing straight up. “Goodbye everyone!”

Everyone waved goodbye with Sakumo, coming out of nowhere, being exceptionally forlorn about it. “I guess we should get going as well...” Fugaku said with a bored tone. Kakashi knew Fugaku well enough to know he did not want to leave yet because it meant he had to deal with Sasuke. “I’ll give you Sasuke tomorrow.” He glanced at his son as he lazily slid off the stool before looking back at Kakashi who shrugged. “Mikoto, we’re going.”

“What?” Kakashi did a double take as she was near Lee again. It wasn’t just his charm but his overall childlike demeanor that Mikoto enjoyed being around because she hadn’t been around that since Naruto stopped coming over a few years ago. Dejectedly, she stood giving Kakashi a half-assed wave. Obito tossed Fugaku the keys and he caught them. They nodded at one another before Fugaku, Mikoto and Sasuke left.

“What time did Gai say he’d be back?” Kakashi shrugged. Either the black-haired male didn’t say or Kakashi just wasn’t listening to him. He got so accustomed to ignoring Gai in the middle of his outbursts that sometimes it came on automatically even those rare times in which he truly was trying to listen to whatever the hell Gai was saying. “Well, I don’t have anywhere to go... mind if I stick around for a while?” Kakashi shook his head. Even if he said no his father would just say it was okay. “Oh!” Obito said suddenly, “we gotta tell Asuma about this~” So Obito called Asuma simply telling him to come over.

A half hour later, Asuma arrived at Kakashi’s place and was subsequently hugged by Sakumo then introduced to Lee. “His _friend_ , huh?” Asuma said putting his beer bottle down. He and Kakashi glanced back at Lee playing with the dogs. Kakashi nodded taking a sip of his beer. “Looks more like a son. He has similar features to Gai, scarily similar. So...” Asuma rose an eyebrow, “that’s _the kid_?” Kakashi nodded. “You know Gai isn’t gonna just let you use him to scratch Sasuke’s itch, right?” Kakashi nodded with a sigh. It was a good thing Gai was so damn dense sometimes. “Don’t tell me you’re using them getting along as a flimsy pretense to have Sasuke sink his fangs into the poor boy?” Kakashi shrugged lifting his bottle to his lips. “Lets just say... for the sake of argument that Lee really doesn’t like Sasuke, like at all, what then?”

“The way I see it its an eternity of complaining or waiting for him to move on. You know how first crushes are.” Asuma shook his head. Kakashi took another swig of his beer before setting it down. “Think you can give me a hand?” Asuma shook his head again but slower this time. “I’d do the same for you.”

“I don’t have any kids.”

“You know what I mean! What about your nephew?” Asuma shrugged drinking his beer. After emptying the contents of his bottle he cracked open another.

“I know you have a soft spot for Sasuke and whatever but you gotta let the kid fight his battles. You always act uncharacteristically nosy when it comes to him so this situation makes you positively giddy because it gives you the opportunity to meddle.”

“You know something, you know me just a tad bit too well.” Asuma chuckled, “lets change the subject before I incriminate myself further. Anyone move into the house next to yours?”

“Nope. There was an open house the other day though. I saw lots of people coming in and out but I’m not sure if anyone bought it yet.” Asuma rose an eyebrow. “Anyway, why do you ask? Your dad looking for a place or something?” Kakashi nodded. “Seriously? The house is a three bedroom though. What’s he looking for? Kurenai knows a real estate agent, I can ask her to keep an eye out.”

“Aren’t you sweet? I’m not sure what he wants but before you tell him about that place ask yourself one question: Do you really want to live next door to my father?” Asuma had to think about that for a second. Living next door to Sakumo would be like living next to Kakashi and Asuma did live thirty minutes from him. Last time Sakumo visited he stayed at Obito’s place because Kakashi was busy moving and Gai was out of town. Sakumo was only in town for a few days but Obito vowed that he would _never_ allow Kakashi’s father to stay at his apartment for more than a few hours again. Obito never divulged fully he only said it was horrific and something he never wanted to experience again. As Asuma cringed Kakashi laughed. “Exactly. But you can talk to Kurenai for me.”

“Can do. Or better yet you can just ask her yourself. With me being unconscious when I got the hospital you were the one that introduced us. Besides, she’s been asking about you... says she has someone she wants you to meet.”

“Is she trying to set me up?” Asuma nods. “Why is everyone so obsessed with relationships... _romantic_ relationships? When did it become taboo to be single?”

“I think there were talks of making it illegal a few years ago but I’m technically still single too.”

“Your technicality is moot. You two might as well be dating with how much time you two spend together.” Asuma laughed. It wasn’t necessarily true but it wasn’t really a lie either. “So... if I have no choice in the matter and have to go through with this what does her friend look like?”

“Damn, shallow much? I didn’t meet them.”

“Him?”

“No no no, I said _them_. I’m not sure if its a man or a woman but she knows that you don’t care as long as there’s a hole to fuck.” Kakashi nodded with a hm. It wasn’t as though he didn’t care it was more like why should he have to choose between them? Both sexes had their pros and cons. “For the record she’s not as obsessed with relationships as other people. She’s actually doing this for her friend. Apparently they went through some messy breakup and she wants to get their confidence back or something.”

“So where do I fit in with this?”

“You’re the lesser of two evils.”

“That’s the second time someone said that to me in the past two days. Who is the other choice? Gai?” Asuma shook his head. “My father?” He shook his head again, “...Obito? Because he was told he was the worse choice between us yesterday.”

“No, its not Uchiha and it would really depend on what it is for you to be the lesser of two evils between him. Anyways, you know Mitarashi right? I mean she’s always walking around scantily clad and whatnot eating dango so you’d have to know her. Kurenai’s friends with her – I guess – and she’s interested but Kurenai’s iffy about the whole thing. She said she’s not exactly the best choice in this situation and when Mitarashi mentioned you Kurenai figured why the hell not. By the way, keep tomorrow open because that’s your date.”

“Isn’t that a bit short notice?”

“Kurenai’s buddy is a teacher so Monday through Friday is out.” Kakashi frowned slightly. He didn’t know what grade this ‘buddy’ of Kurenai taught but every school he and Asuma attended had school from Monday through Saturday. When did they change the school week to just five days? “I see that look in your eye, I don’t know when they dropped the sixth day but I do know its not every school in the district because Konohamaru’s elementary school has the six day school week. The surprising thing is the kid doesn’t complain about it. Its kinda freaky considering how much of a troublemaker he is.”

“Maybe its because he’s a troublemaker is why he enjoys school so much?” It was slightly comforting to know not every school changed the school week _however_ Konohamaru attended the same school Kakashi and Asuma did nearly twenty five years ago. So it wasn’t really a shock that they didn’t change anything.

“Maybe. You know, now that I think about it ...regarding the beginning of our conversation about the date thing, Gai was never mentioned as an option.”

“Why are you surprised about that? Its Gai we’re talking about, why would he be an option? The only person obsessed with trying to sleep with him is Anko. But I’m sure he’d make a good date... if you want someone to forget about their troubles and just have fun.” Kakashi stilled the bottle in his hand looking at Asuma. “What?”

“Oh nothing, it just sounds like you’re complimenting Gai is all. Saying he’d make a good date and whatnot.” Asuma shrugged, “its obvious that’s how you’d feel considering your alleged junior high crush on him.” As Kakashi glared at him, Asuma drank from his bottle briefly. “Instead of doing this whole shtick trying to fix Sasuke up perhaps it would be better for you to help yourself?”

“Not interested and I can prove to you that I have nothing but friendly, brotherly feelings toward Gai.”

“Hey, you don’t need to prove anything to me, prove whatever you just said to yourself.”

“You enjoy seeing me miserable, don’t you?” Asuma nodded with a shrug. “Wait a minute. I almost forgot Fugaku is dropping Sasuke off tomorrow. I can’t exactly go on a date with a fourteen-year-old attached to my hip. Not after the last time...”

“Well I would never ask you to bring him. If you really wanted to go on that date alone you would have found someone to watch Sasuke.” Kakashi really couldn’t argue with that. “Now, leave the kid with me; he can help me watch Konohamaru for a few hours. My old man’s been begging me for some relief and I’ve decided to indulge him.”

“So I take it we’re not going on a double date? Not this time, huh?” Asuma shook his head. “I guess I can tell Sasuke about it tomorrow he’s probably on his way home sulking.” Kakashi’s house wasn’t too far from the airport but it was still a good ways away from the Uchiha manor (and the surrounding houses) so they were close to halfway home. “What time should I be ready by?”

“What’s an appropriate lunch date time? Two? Three?”

“Lunch date? What am I doing? Meeting a new client? Why didn’t you give me a regular date?”

“I don’t want to screw with your vampire hours Kakashi... plus, a lunch date is informal. You don’t have to worry about overdressing or being a wad but you’ll still can have the whole date-like atmosphere experience.”

“I’m a _wad_?”

“Kakashi-san.” The white-haired man turned to Lee who was leaning on the counter. “May I use your bathroom?”

“Sure, its the second door on the left.” Nodding and thanking him, Lee trotted off. He turned back to Asuma. “Is there anything else I should know about myself before I go on my lunch date? I’d hate to screw this thing up before it begins ...with my reputation and all.”

“Nothing that I can think of and you are far past the point of anyone digging into your reputation. That ship has long sailed and sank. But dinner dates are overrated so don’t get pissed at me. Besides, you just said you weren’t looking for a relationship. A lunch date is perfect, hell you don’t even have to call it a date. You’re just joining someone for lunch. Simple as that. You gotta appreciate the way I look out for you.”

“No I don’t. And if its not a date you wouldn’t mind tagging along.”

“With Kurenai?”

“With Sasuke and Konohamaru.” Kakashi smiled at him. “But you could bring Kurenai along too if you want. The more, the merrier right?”

“I don’t really think that applies here but if you need me to bail you out, once again, all you have to do is ask. But just to let you know it’ll cost you.”

“Name your price and I will do my best to comply.” Asuma smirked. “You’re looking quite devious there Sarutobi. I can’t really say that I like it.”

“What don’t you like?” Obito asked sitting on the stool on the other side of Asuma.

With the smirk still on his face, Asuma turned to Obito. “Do you have any plans tomorrow?” With a frown, Obito shook his head. “I gotta watch Konohamaru and since Kakashi has a date I’m watching Sasuke too. I don’t mind and whatever but it would be nice to enjoy some adult company as well; care to join me?”

“Sure. Wait a minute! Kakashi’s got another date? We’re not gonna bail him out this time are we? I mean, why does he bother if he’s not gonna finish them?” Obito folded his arms over his chest. “Let him slink out of it on his own. It’ll teach him to screw with people’s hearts and time.”

“You’re not serious are you?” They both turned to Kakashi grinning. “You’re letting me go out there with someone I’ve never met and no escape plan? I’m the type to plan ahead, I can’t do this without—”

“Calm your waters Kakashi, we’re not leaving you high and dry. If there really is a problem and not a bullshit Kakashi problem then just text Obito.” The aforementioned male’s jaw dropped, “and we’ll figure out some suitably efficient plan to get you out of it without having someone want to maim you. Sound good? Great. Now by the way... you’re still gonna owe me even if you don’t require rescuing.” Kakashi nodded with a sigh. Asuma was far more clever than anyone ever credited him for. Then again, Asuma had this annoying little habit of showcasing his cleverness/sadism in the most inopportune times – at least where Kakashi was concerned.

When Gai had come for Lee close to an hour after Kakashi somehow got conned into getting Asuma and Obito free food, they were in the middle of a card game with Sakumo and Lee. Gai did join in playing a few hands before he took Lee home. The next morning, Kakashi awoke and was greeted to the sight of a petulant fourteen-year-old raiding his refrigerator. When he asked Sasuke what the hell he was doing in his house his response was Fugaku dropped him off around eight in the morning meaning Sasuke was there for a good three hours doing who knows what aside from raiding the fridge. Fugaku certainly wasted no time dropping Sasuke off but Kakashi had to wonder how they got in.

Kakashi checked his bar and everything, surprisingly, was in tact. He figured he’d leave Sasuke alone for a few minutes so he could shower and whatnot. Once that was finished he entered the living room where Sasuke was sprawled out on the couch surrounded by his dogs. Kakashi then saw his father behind the counter reorganizing things. Well that explained how Sasuke got in; his father was an early riser even before Gai was introduced to his life. “Oh! Good morning Kakashi!” Sakumo greeted cheerfully. “I was going to make breakfast but your refrigerator is empty except for food that compliments the alcohol you have on the bar. Seriously son, why do you have three jars of olives in the fridge? And you have way too many lemons.” Sakumo shook his head, “I’m taking Sasuke-kun grocery shopping if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind at all, in fact I encourage it. Asuma and Obito should be coming soon with Konohamaru.”

“That’s great! I haven’t seen Suma-kun in so long!” Apparently, it wasn’t solely Gai he was overly attached to; Sakumo seemed to be fond of all Kakashi’s close friends. Which was rather unusual for most parents – the people Kakashi hung around with did not have the best set of morals and whatnot (assuming they even had morals) so other, less insane, parents would not be thrilled to see them let alone get to know them. But nevertheless, Sakumo seemed to take a liking to all of them – but Gai _clearly_ was the favorite. “Well I’ll take Sasuke-kun and since I know Suma-kun has a key here if they come here before I get back we’ll hang out. Or you could just let him in, whatever.”

“I’m not going to be here, I have plans...” Kakashi couldn’t tell his father he had a date because he’d have a similar reaction to Obito. Hell, his father’s reaction might actually be worse in comparison. Well, as Asuma said, it really wasn’t a date but nevertheless he wasn’t going to tell his father. Shit, he felt like a seven-year-old again begin terrified of his father’s response after doing something bad.

“Plans, huh?” Sakumo said with a nod. “Sasuke-kun said he was looking forward to spending time with you.” Kakashi sighed. That little shit was trying to put him on a guilt trip? But there was no way Sasuke would know about this ahead of time. His father didn’t hear their conversation last night and Obito didn’t go back to the manor so how? Unless he was just using this tactic in the event that something like this happened. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“I didn’t forget. When I’m ...finished I’ll come back for him.” He approached the scowling teen stretching his cheeks. “Don’t worry Sasuke-kun, I’m looking forward to spending time with you too.”

“Then why not take him with you?” Kakashi cleared his throat then shook his head. “Oh, you have grown up plans then. I understand. Sasuke-kun and I will have some fun together.” If Kakashi thought his father’s response was going to be bad he didn’t even want to think of Sasuke’s. The teen would probably yell at him being blown off for a pseudo date which, in retrospect, was not his fault because Asuma was the one to tell him at the last minute. “Well I’m going to change out of these clothes so we can go.” In addition to his early rising, Sakumo had also taken it upon himself to jog in the morning which judging by his sweatpants meant he just came back from it while Kakashi was in the shower. The white-haired man sprinted into his bedroom – it wasn’t really _his_ but he took it.

Sasuke swatted the hand still stretching his face, “dammit Kakashi you double booked?” He said massaging his red cheeks.

“Uh, no? I fully intended on just spending the day trying to figure out what to do about your situation, really, I did.” Sasuke’s eyes narrowed at the sarcasm evident in Kakashi’s voice. “But Asuma informed me of something I had to do last minute.” Before Sasuke had the opportunity to question what Asuma asked Kakashi to do Sakumo returned wearing a familiar pair of jeans and t-shirt. “Dad, are those my clothes?”

“Of course they are, I didn’t bring any with me aside from the outfit I wore coming here. Good thing we’re a similar size or I wouldn’t have anything to wear. Ready to go Sasuke-kun?” Sasuke nodded but not before sending one last glare in Kakashi’s direction. “We’ll see you around. Oh! And make sure to give me a key while you’re out.” With a sigh, Kakashi nodded. As Sakumo and Sasuke were leaving Obito, Asuma and Konohamaru were walking up to the house. They engaged in conversation for quite some time, Kakashi was in the house so he really wasn’t listening, and after what seemed like an eternity everyone came in the house. “I forgot something!” Sakumo said before running into his room.

“Sakumo-san’s as spry as ever.” Asuma said stretching, “his hugs got tighter too. I think he bruised some ribs this time.” Kakashi subtly jerked his head toward Sasuke’s direction as the teen took his seat back on the stool. It was such a barely noticeable movement but Asuma knew Kakashi long enough to see it and know what that meant. “Hey kid, what’s up?” Sasuke nodded his greeting.

“Hi Sasuke!” Konohamaru greeted putting his chin on the fourteen-year-old’s legs. “Is Naruto-nīchan around?” Sasuke’s eyebrows furrowed as Konohamaru looked around. Of course the kid would only come close to him if he thought he was around Naruto. When Konohamaru stopped turning and swaying Sasuke shook his head. “He’s not here? Asuma-ji, can we visit nīchan?”

Asuma chuckled at the aura of jealously emitting from Sasuke. Not only did the kid not like being blown off but he didn’t seem to enjoy being ignored either. It wasn’t anyone’s fault that Konohamaru enjoyed Naruto’s company more... except maybe Naruto’s for being so damn likable. “Sorry Kono, we’re here to spend time with Sasuke today. We can visit Naruto tomorrow.” The ten-year-old furrowed his eyebrows at his uncle before turning back to Sasuke frowning slightly. Sasuke couldn’t help but frown back. Well damn, sorry for not being Naruto.

“Okay!” Konohamaru said smiling.

“I almost forgot my wallet.” Sakumo said laughing heartily. “Come on Sasuke-kun.” Sasuke nodded pushing himself off the stool. Being at a grocery store was better than being here right now. “Do you want to come grocery shopping with us too Konohamaru-kun?” The ten-year-old nodded. “Alright. Lets go! We’ll be back.” Sakumo left with Sasuke and Konohamaru in tow.

“Well...” Asuma plopped down on the couch, “that gives me about an hour of down time. You all set?” Kakashi nodded. Asuma looked over the white-haired man; he was dressed in a pair of black pants and a gray turtleneck – not too fancy but appropriate for a lunch. Asuma wasn’t even going to ask about the sweater (which didn’t really seem that thick) because he probably used the neck part to double as a mask or something. Kakashi was weird like that. The idiot claimed to have sensitive skin which was why he covered his body even in the warmer months but seeing as it was February he didn’t have to worry about that now; well the warmer month part anyway. “So, the place is called Ichiraku, its like a half hour from here downtown which means you should probably get going soon with traffic and whatnot.”

Kakashi checked his phone which said it was close to one. “What time should I be there by?”

“Kurenai told me two but happy hour is from one to three so if you get there early you can score half price drinks and that’s never a bad thing.” Kakashi nodded in agreement. You can never go wrong with anything half price... well most of the time anyway.

“Then I’ll be on my way, please make sure my father doesn’t redecorate my place again.” Obito nodded. He had a first hand experience of Sakumo redecorating – not that he did a bad job or anything but he moved things and didn’t say where which made it impossible for Obito to find anything. That, in turn, pissed Obito off making him just destroy his place so he could reorganize. Kakashi had come in mid destruction and wordlessly left. It took a lot to get Kakashi mad but Obito had no intention of being around when it happened. Someone so damn carefree was bound to be a total nutcase angered.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Ichiraku was nothing more than a ramen shop; no, scratch that – the place was like a glorified house of noodles. The place wasn’t exactly fancy or big for that matter but it still seated a reasonable amount of people. Someone, with high expectations, would be really pissed to find out they were coming here for a date. Fortunately, Kakashi was just here to sample their special of teriyaki noodles. No wait, why else was he here? Oh right, his _lunch_ with Kurenai’s friend who had about five minutes to get here before they were late but being around Obito made Kakashi not squabble over things like punctuality _though_ a late teacher did not set a good example for their students.

Kakashi sighed sifting through the menu in front of him. It just occurred to him that he didn’t know _who_ he was supposed to be meeting – well he knew that part already but what he didn’t know was if the person he was supposed to be meeting knew of him. Perhaps they were in the same situation sitting here not realizing the other was around. He could always call Asuma but he had the feeling the bearded man knew next to nothing about this entire thing. After all, he really wasn’t too helpful from the start. Suddenly, a shadow loomed over him briefly before a brunet took a seat to his left. He turned to Kakashi blinking and the white-haired man noted the scar running horizontally across his nose. “You... you’re Kakashi-san, right?” Kakashi blinked at him. “Kurenai told me to look for a guy with swaying white hair.” He said with a smile. “I’m Iruka. I realize I must seem like a stalker or something knowing your name when I’m certain you weren’t even aware of my existence but Kurenai insisted it be a surprise, so... sorry about that.”

“Its no problem, its actually a pleasant surprise.” Iruka blushed slightly fiddling with the scar on his nose. How could anyone break up with this guy? He was positively adorable! Unless the brunet had an unusual kink or disgusting bad habit his former lover was a blind fool. _However_ , there was that phrase about one man’s trash being another man’s treasure. In that instance, Kakashi felt as though he struck it rich. “So, Iruka-san...” The brunet turned to him tilting his head. “What made you agree to doing this?”

“You want the truth?” Kakashi nodded and Iruka sighed. “I wouldn’t say I exactly _agreed_... I’m not big on the whole ‘blind date’ thing considering the only things I knew were your name and hair color. I contemplated not showing up but that would be rude so I came.” The brunet shrugged. “But now that I’m here I don’t really regret it.” Yup, the person who broke up with him was definitely an idiot. “What about you? Since we’re on the subject.”

“Me? Hmm... well I was told yesterday about it and I didn’t really have a reason to decline so why not. The only thing I knew was that you’re a teacher.” He also knew about his breakup with the unknown idiot but that wasn’t exactly appropriate lunchtime conversation. Besides Kakashi didn’t want to stir any bad blood right now – he just wanted to enjoy the brunet’s company. It wasn’t everyday he conversed with normal individuals. There was just one tiny thought... if Iruka was aware of Kakashi’s name yet still decided to go, albeit unwillingly, that must have meant he was okay with men, right?

“Did you talk to Kurenai?”

Kakashi shook his head. “Asuma told me about it. He’s like her sort of but not really boyfriend.” Kakashi shrugged. He was pretty sure even they didn’t know what the hell was going on between them. Iruka nodded. If Asuma didn’t know anything about Iruka there was a good chance Iruka didn’t know about Asuma either. But there was thing that was certain, Kakashi was going to have a nice, long conversation with Kurenai when this was over.

“She told me about him but I didn’t meet him or anything.” Iruka looked down at the menu, “we should order something right?”

“Are you gentlemen ready to order?” The both looked up at the smiling proprietor who appeared behind the counter. Kakashi had come to the bar fully intent on drinking but Iruka appeared before he got the opportunity and it really didn’t seem to make sense moving now.

As Iruka seemed abnormally focused on the menu Kakashi decided to take the opportunity to order. “I’ll have the miso with eggplant and the teriyaki burger on the side.” Kakashi flinched as Iruka glanced at him as if he had an extra head. “Did I do something wrong?”

“That’s all you’re going to order?” Kakashi nodded slowly. Date or not, Kakashi didn’t plan on engorging himself today but he really wasn’t that much of a big eater anyway... unless he was being challenged to an eating contest by Gai. The white-haired man didn’t usually give into peer pressure but the way Iruka kept frowning at the menu made him want to second guess. Iruka shrugged. “I’ll have a large order of ramen with tonkatsu, saury, narutomaki and kakuni.” The man’s jaw dropped as he struggled to keep the notepad in his hand. “Oh and I’d like a shōyu sauce with it, _in_ it. Whichever. Tea is free right? I’ll have some of that too.” He smiled and the man straightened up nodding then heading to the back.

“Damn, you sure can eat.”

“Yeah. We could share if you didn’t get enough food.”

“I appreciate that.” Though Kakashi got the feeling Iruka might try to stab him for trying to take his food. That sort of overeating reminded him of Naruto a little – a lot. “Oh right! You’re a teacher—” Iruka rose an eyebrow as if to ask _where the hell are you going with this?_ , “you look like a high school student though.”

“I do?” Kakashi nodded. “I’m twenty-five.” Kakashi whistled. Five years younger huh? At least he was a legal adult. “I’m always being told I look young but never a high school student.”

“I’m just glad I didn’t say junior high.” Iruka sighed and Kakashi laughed. “What school do you teach at?” Kakashi was careful not to use bad grammar when a teacher was around; the last thing he wanted were memories of those miserable grammar adjusting years in elementary school flaring up.

“I work at Kusa... Kusari... Oh! Tetsu Kusarigama Junior High.” Kakashi thought that was quite possibly the stupidest name for a junior high school ever. An iron chain-sickle? They even had a giant statue of it... _wait!_ Kakashi’s eyes widened. That was Sasuke’s school! “Are you alright? You look a little pale.”

“No, I’m fine. Its just... I know I’m asking a lot of questions but what grade do you teach?”

“I teach second years and my class number is five, in case you were going to ask me that too.” Kakashi facepalmed. Even when they weren’t around they were still screwing with his mind. “W-What?!”

“Its just that you’re...” Probably that hot teacher Naruto is always going on about. But he couldn’t dare say that out loud as true as it was. “You teach my friend’s cousin; Uchiha Sasuke.” Iruka frowned. Good thing this wasn’t a date because judging by that look Kakashi would not be getting a second one.

Iruka flipped the menu over. “I need a drink.”

“Now now. I’m not here to talk about ...him.” Just like with Lee it would appear that Sasuke’s name was considered taboo. Iruka glanced at him. “Unless that’s what you want to do.” And Kakashi hoped that was not what he wanted. Of all the things Kakashi wanted to talk about a perpetually brooding, currently sexually tense fourteen-year-old was not one of them.

With a sigh, Iruka shook his head. “I didn’t want to talk about my students on my day off but I will say that Sasuke-kun... I get the feeling that he’s the type to bully the one he likes.” Kakashi’s eyebrows rose. That was very damn perceptive and now Kakashi was the one that needed a drink. “But lets change the subject. What do you do? I asked Kurenai and she said she didn’t know.”

“Sometimes I don’t even know.” He said with a sigh, “I mean, I’m just a regular working man.”

Iruka rose an eyebrow. “Forgive me for not believing you.” Damn, he wasn’t just _very_ perceptive he was deathly perceptive. “You don’t strike me as the ‘regular worker’ type – I’m not stereotyping or anything.” Iruka glanced up, “and this in no way is because of your hair.” As it started to lean forward slightly, Iruka pushed it up.

“Well, I work at a lab.” Iruka whistled. “Its nothing fancy and I actually rarely work there.” The white-haired man shrugged. He was well off not to work at all but staying at home all day with his dogs didn’t make for an interesting life so he decided to seek employment at somewhere that didn’t require him to work too much but still gave him a place to be periodically.

“Here you go gentlemen.” The man said placing their bowls in front of them. “Enjoy.”

“Thanks.” They said as he walked off nodding.

Kakashi glanced at Iruka’s massive bowl filled with broth covered goodness; his puny order of miso paled in comparison. His stomach decided to give a loud growl in response. Iruka laughed. “Sorry, that’s just so cute.” The brunet slid the bowl in between them. “I did say we could share.”

“Itadakimasu.” They said in unison breaking apart their chopsticks.

Kakashi didn’t know whether it was because the food was not his or because they were sharing but everything in Iruka’s bowl was so fucking delicious! Judging by the series of strange looks he was receiving he must have voiced how delicious everything was out loud with various grunts and moans. Obito always told him food tasted better when it wasn’t yours and from someone who constantly ate from other people he knew what he was talking about. Until today, Kakashi just thought the idiot was full of it but surprisingly he was right. Or it could have just been a coincidence. Either way, Kakashi kept eating and at some point they even started feeding one another. There was something very comforting about being near Iruka.

“That was so delicious.” Iruka sat clasping his hands together setting his bowl down. “Did you enjoy it?” Kakashi nodded. “I guess we should split the bill right? But I ordered more food than you so...”

“I’ll take care of it.” Kakashi nodded at the man who slid the bill to him. His eyes widened briefly before he resumed a neutral expression. Fuck these prices were cheap! He’d have to come here again in the very near future. Kakashi was expecting it to be at least three times the amount on the bill.

“Are you sure? I may be a teacher but I do have some money.” Kakashi laughed which made Iruka frown slightly.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I just figured if I pay for lunch _maybe_ you could pay for drinks later?”

Iruka blushed slightly, “you’re bold but I accept. What day is it, Friday?”

“Its Saturday.”

“Really? Wow. Then, how about Monday? I’ll give you my contact information.” Kakashi was grateful for possessing so much willpower because it took practically all of it to keep himself from cheering like Obito or Gai would. He might not be getting sex, at least for the moment, but this seemed a lot better. The passion of sex came and went but the passion of friendship— oh shit, he was starting to sound like Gai! They exchanged e-mail accounts and phone numbers and, of course, promises of meeting up two days from now at a bar where more flirting and food sharing would ensue – at least that’s what Kakashi hoped. “Date or not, this was a lot of fun. Next time we order food feel free to order a little more.”

“I will, trust me. You nearly gnawed off my finger.” Iruka shrugged innocently. “Thank you for a wonderful afternoon and I will see you Monday.” Kakashi started to move but turned around, “a-are we supposed to kiss?”

“I wouldn’t mind.” Iruka grinned mischievously and, as he was somewhat shorter than Kakashi, tip-toed and kissed the stunned man on the lips. “Bye.” With a wave, Iruka started walking off. Kakashi shook out of his stupor and started walking as well.

It took Kakashi a few hours to get home, not because of traffic but because he was certain he was making a goofy face whenever he thought of getting that sneak attack kiss from earlier. He unlocked his front door not even surprised by his dogs stampeding out of the house. The white-haired man toed off his shoes. “Enjoy your date?” He looked up seeing Sasuke slowly turning around in one of the bar stools like the villain in some kind of action movie. “While you were out gallivanting I had to keep your father, your dogs and your idiot friends busy then there was _this_ idiot—”

“Kakashi-san, is it true you went on a date with our teacher?!” Kakashi bristled as he saw blond hair barely reaching over the counter. “My parents saw you at Ichiraku a few hours ago! They said the two of you shared food and even kissed briefly, well it was more like he kissed you and you just stood there.” Did Naruto’s parents have eagle eyes? How the fuck did they see that? Kakashi approached the counter pouring himself a much needed drink. “Check it out, he isn’t saying anything. That means its true dattebayo!”

Sasuke’s eyes narrowed and the fourteen-year-old folded his arms over his chest hopping off the stool. He looked Kakashi over. “I hope you let him down easy, I happen to like Umino-sensei.”

“Me too!” The blond chirped, “sometimes we eat lunch together. He likes ramen as much as I do.” Naruto tilted his head. “He’s got this stupid look on his face teme, maybe the date went well.” Kakashi put the glass to his lips as the fourteen-year-olds stared at him. Apparently he wasn’t out long enough if he still had the goofy face. Naruto gasped, “y-you didn’t sleep with him already did you?!”

“Kakashi!” The white-haired sighed in relief as Obito came out of one of the rooms. “You two badgering him?” They nod. “Okay, don’t let me stop you.”

“Dammit Uchiha.” Obito yelped as Kakashi grabbed his arm. “Have a drink with me.”

Obito watched the clear liquid fill the glass before picking it up. “Was the date bad?”

“Quite the opposite dattebayo.” Obito glanced at Naruto grinning. “He’s smiling like Gai-sensei after winning a match!” Obito turned to Kakashi with his mouth open slightly. Who was this person to make Kakashi smile like an idiot?

Kakashi put his glass down with a clink. “It wasn’t a date, it wasn’t bad...” He glanced at Naruto, “and your parents need to mind their business.” Obito emptied his glass then poured another one.

“Is that the joyful sound of my son complaining?” Kakashi sighed as his father embraced him from behind. “Naruto-kun told me you were on a date—”

“It wasn’t a date.” Obito, Sasuke and Naruto replied.

“Oh! Well how was your non date?”

“It went fine.” They replied.

“Ah! How precious... its been a while since you had a good, _uh... non_ date. Do invite this friend of yours over sometime, I would love to meet them.”

“Some of us already have.” Sasuke said looking Kakashi over before dragging Naruto off by the collar.

Obito was pouring his fourth glass now. “What did you do to piss him off now?”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Then who did you do?”

“Dad, not you too?” Kakashi sighed. “If you want to point fingers and blame someone blame Yūhi Kurenai. She set me up on a lunch non date with Naruto and Sasuke’s homeroom teacher and Naruto’s parents saw me. Anything else you’d like to know? Perhaps what we ordered or what we talked about?”

“I’m good.” Sakumo sat on one of the stools. “I’m sure you ordered that made it okay for you two to kiss later.” Kakashi facepalmed and Obito took a swig of his drink. “Teachers don’t make a lot of money though so I’m not exactly sure what you would have to talk about. So, how cute were they?”

“From what Naruto-kun told me the teacher is quite cute, especially when flustered.” Obito waggled his eyebrows. “Also cute when angered too.”

Sakumo whistled, “you always had a great eye son. I think I’ll pick up Sasuke-kun’s homework straight from the source.” Great, now his father’s mischievous side was coming out. “What class is Sasuke-kun in? Its 2-5, right? I think that’s what Fugaku told me last night. He was half-sober, half-asleep.” Kakashi figured he’d never get another invite for drinks if his father showed up harassing poor Iruka. He already had the tendency to harass everyone else Kakashi conversed with. “Anyway, with your penchant to tease this teacher is a perfect match for you. Speaking of matches... where the hell is Gai?”

“Uh... at his apartment?” With a sigh Kakashi emptied his drink. “Contrary to what you all think he has other things to do than to challenge me on a whim on a daily basis. Besides, with Lee staying over I’m sure they’re bonding or whatever.”

“You know you said other and not _better_ , right?” Obito rose an eyebrow frowning slightly when Kakashi shrugged. “While you were out I called and spoke to him but I didn’t tell him to come over or anything.” As Sakumo groaned Kakashi and Obito stared at him. “He said he was buying some stuff for the apartment or something. He was so damn chipper I had to tune him out. I swore I heard like birds chirping in the background and there was a fairy tale musical number too.”

Kakashi glanced at his father. The last time Sakumo came over he didn’t see Gai which made him unbearably miserable so Sakumo didn’t know Gai’s address since seven years ago, the last time he saw Gai, he lived somewhere else. Sakumo’s head snapped up and he turned to Kakashi. “Can we visit him later?”

“No.” Sakumo’s jaw dropped. “I can’t visit him at all with a certain someone constantly stirring up trouble.” Sakumo, Obito, Kakashi and Asuma (who joined them sometime during the conversation) all turned to Sasuke who was on the couch with Konohamaru and Naruto. “So... if you find some way to take care of _that_ then I’ll gladly take you to his place.” Nodding, Sakumo tapped his chin.

“What are you doing?” Obito whispered.

“I believe I’m killing two birds with one stone.”

Obito pursed his lips together. He wasn’t a genius by any standard but it wasn’t too difficult to figure out what Kakashi was planning. It was possible that Kakashi was going to use his father’s influence to curb Sasuke’s behavior while using Sakumo’s incessant obsession with Gai to sidetrack any sort of competitions brewing in his rival’s head. Of course said plan could get shot to hell quite easily but nevertheless it would be fun to see everything happen.


End file.
